Grape Skins

You know, there's a lotta tall tales been told about Texas and how they exaggerate and everything
But I can truthfully say Texas is miles and miles of nothing but miles and miles
And once there was a maid in Dallas—you know, a maid, house maid
And she was caught by her employer taking home a bag of pink grapefruit skins
The madam said, "Ruby, surely you don't eat those peelings?"
And Ruby said, "No ma'am, I takes 'em home 'cause they sure make my garbage pail look good"
So in Texas, they're famous for their fast drawing—coyote, you know, the coyote—he was also known to be fast and noted for his speed
And one day it was hot and sultry, and a bad hombre was riding down a narrow trail on top of his pinto
When he came face to face with one of those bad coyotes
The coyote moved fast, the gunman drew fast
A shot—he shot the coyote straight in the mouth
But the coyote heard the shot and turned so fast to run away
The bullet came out the other end and shot the bandit to the heart

It was a soldier—couple of soldiers, matter of fact—one soldier was from Chicago and the other one was from Texas
The Chicago soldier and the Texas soldier, they were both in parachute school
One Friday, they loaded the plane up and took all the guys in class for their first parachute test
And a major from Texas—that's where they was—a major from Texas
He said, "Look here, you guys, when you jump, there'll be a truck waiting to pick you up and you'll all be free on a three-day pass
Now remember, after you jump and count ten, pull the ripcord in front of you
And if your chute fails to open, pull the emergency cord right behind your neck
And this guy from Chicago did just like it was told, he counted ten and pulled the ripcord and nothing happened
And after a while, he pulled the other cord and still no happenings
And he was falling through space, he looked down at the ground about 8,000 feet
And said, "That Texas major's the biggest liar I ever heard"
He said, "I bet it don't even be no truck down there"
You know, the weather in Texas, in different parts of Texas, like in West Texas, they have those northers
Where one minute it'll be 112 in the shade, and the next minute it'd be freezing
This fella was walking through some open country and he ran up on a creek, and it was about 105, 106
And he had a big stick and he was chasing some bullfrogs, and these bullfrogs were headed toward the pond
And just as these bullfrogs all got ready to jump in the pond, they jumped in all together
And a norther hit that pond and froze the pond stiff just as the frogs jumped in
And nothing was left out the pond but their hind legs
And this guy went over to his truck and got a lawnmower and cut down about 50 bushes of frog legs
Man, it was so hot one time, I saw a coyote chasing a jackrabbit and both of 'em was walking