Custard Pie

Pretty girl asked a guy—they sitting in the park like, you know what I mean, just talking stuff
And this pretty girl looked at him, she said, "Why don't you say something soft and sweet to me
Something soft and sweet, huh?"
And this was a bashful guy, he pulled hisself a little bit closer and said, "Custard pie"
A friend of mine's wife was giving him the devil, you know, because she said he couldn't keep her in clothes
And he said, "I bought you a house and I can't even keep you in that"
Two chicks met last night, and one of 'em had on a mink coat, and the other one had on a cloth stole
One girl looked at her and said, "That's a beautiful mink, your husband must've changed jobs"
She said, "No, I done changed husbands"
Woman got in a cab and said, "Take me to the station, I wanna get back home"
The driver said, "Would you like to go the freeway?"
She said, "No I'ma pay cash"
A donkey walked in a restaurant and sat down
When the waiter walked over, he said, "Look, I want me a big steak, two inches thick, with fat on one side only
On top of it, I want a little bit of whipped cream, 16 caraway seeds, and some peaches
And on the other side, give me some sliced tomatoes, an artichoke, and a cherry
The waiter gave the mule his food, and after he finished, the horse—mule said
"Say, don't you think it's a little queer? I mean, me, me, a mule coming in here and ordering a steak with all the trimmings like that?"
The waiter said, "Not at all, I like mine like that myself"
Drunk was walking home one evening with a pint of whiskey safely tucked away in his pocket
On the way, he stumbled into a traffic accident and one of the cars grazed him and knocked him up against the wall
And he fell all down and staggered and recovered and got back up and started on his way again
Another guy was standing nearby and saw the accident, noticed something was wrong
He went over to the drunk and said, "Hey, buddy, there's something trickling down your leg"
The drunk said, "I sure hope it's blood"
You know, I never knew what real happiness was until I got married—and then it was too late
Two girls were talking in a beauty parlor—you know girls will talk in a beauty parlor
And I overheard a couple of girls talking, and one of 'em said
"Lucy told me that you told her the secret I told you not to tell her"
Girl said, "Well, gee, I told her not to tell you that I told her"
She said, "Well, I told her I wouldn't tell you told me, so don't tell her I told you"
If some of you girls wanna lose weight, there's a very simple diet
My wife loves this diet, and everyone can lose weight, real simple
All you do is just push yourself away from the table three times a day
Fella walked in a cafe and ordered a cup of coffee
You know, he just wanted to pass the time away, he didn't really want anything, just somewhere to sit
Private walked over to him, tried to get a conversation, looked out the window, gave the guy the coffee
And he said, "Hey, looks like rain, don't it?"
And the guy who was stirring his coffee said, "Yeah, and it tastes like rain, too"