Daddy’s Girl

[EDIE]
Don’t believe a word of my mother
Interfering pain in the can
Burning up with unspoken envy
I got me a bonafide man

[KENNEDY, spoken]
Don’t change the subject!

[EDIE]
She and daddy don’t have relations
Separate rooms with double locked doors
S-E-X for her and her eunuch
Stopped at the Punic Wars!

I’m my daddy’s girl
Chip off the old man’s block
Yes, my daddy’s girl
Proper and prim as Plymouth Rock
“Take off that lipstick
Wash off that perfume
How dare you wear high heels?”
As my daddy’s girl, I’m impassioned
By good old fashioned ideals

(spoken)
Father will be home soon enough, talk to him Joe!

[KENNEDY, spoken]
Why? Why, because he’s willing to cover for you?

[EDIE, spoken]
Because he loves me!
Because he isn’t competing!

(singing)
Mother has a yen for the spotlight
Daddy disapproves of the stage
“Never get your name in the papers
Except for the nuptial page”

[KENNEDY, spoken]
Now Edie, I…

[EDIE]
“Modulate your voice to a whisper
Always hide your sexual side”

[KENNEDY, spoken]
That’s enough!

[EDIE]
As for getting drunk in that frat house

[KENNEDY, spoken]
What?!

[EDIE]
Father O’Hanlon lied!

I’m my daddy’s girl

[KENNEDY, spoken]
What frat house?!

[EDIE]
Virginal as a Saint
That’s my daddy’s girl

[KENNEDY, spoken]
Father O’Hanlon?!

[EDIE]
Model of utter self-restraint
Insinuations
False accusations
Slander from Harvard boys

[KENNEDY, spoken]
Who?!

[EDIE]
On a daddy’s girl
I ignore ‘em with charm, decorum and poise

[KENNEDY, spoken]
Edie, before he gets married, there are certain things a guy’s gotta know!

[EDIE, spoken]
I’m a good girl!
A Miss Porter’s girl!

(singing)
All American apple pie
Catholic as the pope’s right eye
In here Joe, my heart Joe, I’m pure
Maybe not like the driven snow
All the same, next to some I know
Girls who smoke and read Fanny Hill
While I was reading de Tocqueville

Listen to reason
Let’s not be immature
Honestly, Joe
I thought you said that you were sure

[KENNEDY, spoken]
I know what I said

[EDIE, spoken]
I’m his daughter, Joe, not her’s!

[KENNEDY, spoken]
I want to believe you—

[EDIE, spoken]
Then believe me! Believe daddy!
He’ll make it right, I know he will, over a nice scotch or a Cuban cigar, you’ll see

[KENNEDY, spoken]
Edie, I—

[EDIE, spoken]
Please!

[KENNEDY, spoken]
Alright
Alright, one whiskey in his study

(Kennedy leaves)

[EDIE, spoken]
Tell him only what you know about me, daddy
Not what you don’t

(singing)
I’m my daddy’s girl
Used to his stony glares
And I know deep down
He’s just critical cuz he cares
“Go find a husband
Don’t waste your life on
Talent you have none of!”
How can any man
Even Joe
Match the gift of a father’s love?