Welcome to Di Presa’s Pizza House

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Hello, everybody. My name is Neil Hamburger and, uh, welcome to Di Presa's Pizza House tonight.

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Uh...

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Why did Sir Mick Jagger stick a carrot up his daughter's ass?

Well, he mistook her for a fan! [chuckles]

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Why did Madonna feed her infant baby Alpo dog food?

Well, she had no choice. That's just what came out of her breasts!

Yeah!

Alright.

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And why did God invent herpes?

Well, so that Robin Williams would have something to give his female fans that they couldn't just turn around and sell on eBay! [chuckles]

Alright.