Di Presa’s Tries Some Different Things

Meanwhile, things were changing for comedian Neil Hamburger (uh, which is myself).

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'When Neil was a guest on the Jimmy Kimmel Live television show with Yoko Ono, well, we showed that on the big screen here, right by where he has stood one thousand times [chuckles] and told the same jokes here, in person! [sigh] That was a thrill, seeing Neil with Yoko. I always liked her. I, um, didn't care for her husband too much. Jack Lemon. But, yeah, very exciting for us, seeing Neil on network TV live from Hollywood.

And for a while there, Neil got very popular 'cause he was on TV. So we didn't do our Monday night shows for a while. Uh, he was always on tour in places like Canada and... Detroit and... you know, wherever the spotlights are. So we tried some other things. Uh, we tried a... karaoke night...'

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'I love you, baby
And if it's quite all right
I need you, baby
To warm the lonely night
I love you, baby
Trust in me when I say'

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'We tried having wet t-shirt contests.'

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[girls giggling & splashing]

[wolf whistle]

'Hey! Get your hands off me! Ah, stop it! Ah!'

[fabric ripping]

'Hey!'

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'We even tried honoring competitor's coupons for a while. But then the big chains started issuing coupons where you get four pizzas for the price of one just to drive us out of business. So we- we stopped doing that.

Finally, we put another ad in the Pennysaver and brought in another guy, another comic, named Leeroy Brothers.'

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The difference between the black people and the white people is that the- the black peo- the- the white people... er, the black peo- the white peo- the black- the, uh, the white people turn on the TV and they be watching soap operas and stuff, you know? But the- the, uh, the black people, they be like, 'What's on TV, [bleep] honkey?'

You know what I'm saying?

'Turn the channel, my man! Where's my remote control, mofo?'

And just like- it's just like with the white girl. The white- oh, I mean- it's just like with the- with the black girl. The bl- The- The black girl, they be shaking their hips, but the, uh, but the black- but the- the- the white girl, they too busy doing the dishes!

[audience member: 'You're white!']

So? Big deal! What up?

[audience member: 'So, why do you talk like that, when you're white?']

Oh! We gots us a racist here! I grew up on the wrong side of the tracks, okay?

[audience member: 'No you didn't!']

Sir, don't be talking about my state of mind!

[audience member: 'No, you didn't! I went to high school with you and everyone knows your dad was a lawyer for Kraft Foods!']

Well, how's about then I sue your white ass for defamation of character, Velveeta-breath [bleep] bitch!?