The Plastic Surgeon

An old fella wanted to marry a young girl, pretty girl, too, she was
He realized he was an old guy, so he went to a plastic surgeon, trying to get straightened out, get his face smoothed out a little bit, so he went to one of the best plastic surgeons in Illinois
And he sat down in the office, waiting, finally got admitted, doc said, "Well, what can I do for you?"
Guy said, "Well, doc, I'm marrying a young girl, she's really pretty, and I'm an old guy, I want to get some of these wrinkles out my face, get these carpet bags off of here, move this glass stone, and pull my ears down some
Doc felt his meat, feeling on it, squeezed it, doc told him, "Well, ain't much I can do with your meat, kinda old, and you know that is—it's hard, it's where I put the meat is, " said, "Nothing I can do for you at all and nobody I can suggest for you"
Guy said, "Well, doc, you got to do something, money is no object because I got all the money"
Doctor said, "Well, let me see," doc said, "Well, the best thing I can do for you," after he felt his meat again, he said, "The best thing I can do for you is to pull all your meat up to the top of your head like this and tie it in a ponytail"
The guy said, "Well, doc, if that's all you can do," he said, "well, go ahead and do that long as I get smooth"
So the doc grabbed his meat up and pulled it up to the top of his head real tight and tied it with a black shoestring
This guy put his hat on, he had a hat full of meat, but his face was smooth, it was really smooth, smooth, smooth
And he went around to his girlfriend's house and knocked on the door, and she was shocked when she saw him
He looked so good, she was hardly, she was almost, she couldn't, she says, "My goodness, what happened?," she said, "You look so good"
She said, "Darling, you know, I never noticed that dimple in your chin before"
He said, "Dimple? Hell, that's my navel"
He said, "You want a real surprise, open up my shirt collar"