The great Luke Ski

*Unbelievable!* *Inconceivable!*
*Grammar like a hammer, information receivable!*
*Prince of rap rhymin’, who else could it be? But,*
*the great*… *Luke*… *Ski!*

*the great*… *Luke*… *Ski!*
*the great*… *Luke*… *Ski!*
*If you are offended by loud and obnoxious egomaniacal ranting and raving, then, tough noogies.*

Verse 1:
I’ve dominated the dementia charts
I’ve redefined the parody and filking arts
I’m the pro at thеse cons and, I’m from Wisconsin
And all the fangirls want my Howard Johnson
Hip hop nerd bеfore it even existed
Put comedy in sci-fi and then I twisted
Now step to me and lyricly I’ll beat your ass in
Like my name was “Scud: The Disposable Assassin!”
Ten years, I’ve grown to reign
As the fanboy comic who can entertain
From thousands I got a standing ovation
Proving that I’m the pimp of the geek nation!
I got a big head? (Well yeah, you’re right,)
Just ask any fangirl that goes home with me tonight!
She’ll check out my shtick, and find out quick
I got *2,000 miles of diiiiiick!*
I’m on an ego trip, so come along for the ride
And you will find out that it’s all completely justified
Or you could run and hide, that’d be okay with me
Long as you know what put ‘the great’ inside ‘the great Luke Ski!’

*the great*… *Luke*… *Ski!*
*the great*… *Luke*… *Ski!*
*Musical comedy! The most glorious words in the English language!*

Verse 2:
You won’t believe all that I gotta go through
Just so I can get here and do a show for you
Schmoozing the con staff to book the invite
The next step’s plugging it on my website
You’ll get so many e-mails it’ll make ya wretch
I’m slingin’ more Spam than a Monty Python sketch
Pack every prop and costume I’m able
CDs and signage for the merch table
Then I cruise as I hop behind the wheel
Of my ‘97 Dodge Neon Luke-Ski-Mobile!
Two hundred K miles, and I’m addin’ more
Get to the convention, kick down the door
Check in, get my badge, next part of the scheme
Is for me to transform into a one man street team!
Put up fliers everywhere the eye can see
So everybody knows where my concert will be
If I don’t promote myself, who the Hell will?
You? I don’t think so. I got no time to chill
Sit on panels, (FireFly versus Star Trek,)
Pluggin’ my show, all the way until sound check
Then my adrenaline forms a geek rage
The crowd goes wild as Luke Ski hits the stage!
Finally I get to rock the mike
And kick these fandom lyrics you all like
And if you like my comedy skills
You’ll buy a disc so I can pay my rent and bills
That’s my thing, I ain’t got no bling
Just a few choice fangirls, and a mike in which to sing
Those who decry me for living my dreams
They’re just jealous at their day jobs eatin’ Krispy Kremes
You may think this theme’s a little harsh on thee
Well that’s too bad cause it’s the truth about the great Luke Ski

*the great*… *Luke*… *Ski!*
*the great*… *Luke*… *Ski!*
*the great*… *Luke*… *Ski!*
*the great*… *Luke, you’re a genius!*

Verse 3:
You must be a jerk if you say that you’re proud
Of all you’ve accomplished, it’s just not allowed
Milestones it’s taken me years to achieve
I celebrate, cause in me I believe
I’ll say I’m great and ignore and their wack ilk
Ain’t gonna steal any more of my self-esteem
And I’ll win the Pegasus for best rap filk
(Yeah?) In the year Twenty-seven-thirteen
This is Dementia: The Next Generation
And I’m the Jean-Luke of the Federation
It’s revolution time! Are you ready? (Yeah!)
I’m the ‘G-R-8’, to the ‘Luke’, to the ‘S-K-E’
Oops, I meant to say ‘I’…
Uhh, ‘cause ‘S-K-I’ spells ‘Ski’. I no longer have to justify
The things I do or what I say
And if I never make it big, that’ll be okay
But if the time does come, watch my stardom rise
I’m exhalted in the worshipping nations’ eyes
And I’ve gone ego mad, from all my fortune and fame
I’ll grab the mic and scream, (“WHAT’S MY NAME?!?!”) (And you’ll say,)

*the great*… *Luke*… *Ski!*
*the great*… *Luke*… *Ski!*
*the great*… *Luke, it is your destiny.*
That prophecy you wrote? Well hey it just came true!
Right now my default voice is mine, and it’s sayin’ “Screw you!”
To all the haters, rue! I’ve hit my destiny!
And now you know what put ‘the great’ inside *the great*… *Luke*… *Ski!*

(Spoken:)
YES! IT IS I! THE GREAT LUKE SKI! THE OUTCAST MUSICAL JESTER OF SCI-FI! EMISSARY OF RAP DEMENTIA! AND THE FUNNIEST MOTHER-FILKER OF ALL TIME!… (music stops, the word “TIME!” echoes a few times…)

…*Once again, I’ve alienated our target demographic.*