BACON!

Now you can say a lot about a guy like me
I'm a spazzy fanboy, watchin' too much TV
Collectin' action figures, comic books and such
And I like "Wonder Woman" just a little too much
But there is one thing, you would be very mistaken
To question my devotion, it will never be shaken
If you do, you'll see my wrath and then you'll be quakin'
To put it plain and simply
…I… …love… …BACON!…
I put bacon on my burger when I order double cheese
I put bacon on my salad, but I throw away the leaves
I grind bacon into powder and I mix it with my salt
I blend bacon with my ice cream and I make a bacon malt
I eat bacon all alone, I'll eat bacon in a group
I eat bacon chopped and mixed into my chicken noodlе soup
I'll eat bacon with Doritos, and entire can of Spam
And I'll еven top it off with Soylent Green Eggs and Ham!
BACON IS DELICIOUS, IS SO YUMMY, IS SO GREAT!
BACON IS THE SUBSTANCE STACKED A FOOT HIGH ON MY PLATE!
BACON IS SO TASTY, IS SO AWESOME, IS THE BEST!
BACON IS THE FOOD THAT I KEEP TUCKED INSIDE MY VEST!
(Yum yum, eat 'em up!)

If you say I like it too much, well I say the Hell with that!
As I place upon my head a brand new stylin' bacon hat
It was made out of the meat strips that I constantly desire
Fresh and hot off the wire, from designer Oscar Meyer
So call me a dork, when I eat it with a spork
I'm a razzafrackin' Pac-Man eating dots of salted pork
It's an entrée and a condiment, so kill the condemnation
And I hang it on my walls, just to use as decoration
I eat bacon in the morning, I eat bacon in the night
I won bacon playing Plinko on the show "The Price Is Right"
If you do not comprehend it, well I guess I'll spell it out
B is for the by-products like grissle, grease, and grout
A is for the Apple Smoky flavored Cudahy
C is for lettuce which goes on a B.L.T
O is for… um… …ostrich
N is for never get a side order of sausage!
BACON IS MY DINNER, IS MY DESSERT, IS MY SNACK!
BACON IS THE REASON THAT YOUR BABY GOT BACK!
BACON IS THE RULER, IS THE MASTER, BACON REIGNS!
BACON IS WHAT'S CLOGGIN' ALL MY ARTERIES AND VEINS!
(Yum yum, eat 'em up!)

Could it be a big conspiracy that bacon's on my brain?
Bacon was the dying word of Charles Foster Kane
Bacon's written backwards on an old Da Vinci scroll
Bacon was the second gunman on the grassy knoll
Bacon laundered all the cash of Mr. John Gotti
Bacon wrote the by-laws of the whole Illuminati
Bacon changed the recipe of Coke for no reasons
Bacon played 'Becky' on "Roseanne" for two seasons
(ShoEboX :) Bacon was the last opponent that Dale Earnheart raced
Bacon is a Hanukkah gift for those with piss-poor taste
Bacon crashed my car. Bacon shot J.R..
Bacon knows where Waldo, Hoffa, and Atlantis are
Bacon told Titanic not to worry 'bout the ice
Bacon knows you're naughty, and it knows when you are nice
Bacon flew to Hiroshima when they dropped the bomb
(ShoEboX: Bacon is your father,) cause it hooked up with your Mom!
Bacon rigs the Super Bowl with help from John Madden
Bacon was the voice of Iago on "Aladdin"
(beat stops breifly) - Hey, what happened to the song?
('Gilbert': I ate some bacon, so the mix came out wrong!)
BACON IS THE FREEDOM, IS THE POWER, IS THE WAY!
BACON IS THE INDIAN WHO SANG "Y-M-C-A"!
BACON IS THE ANSWER, IS THE QUESTION IS YOUR FRIEND!
BACON IS THE SAVIOR THAT WILL SAVE YOU IN THE END!
Bacon bacon bacon bacon by the score!
Bacon bacon bacon bacon bacon ga-galore!
(ShoEboX: So, you wanna meet at Denny's at, say, 8:04?)
AS IF I HAVE THE TIME TO EAT BREAKFAST ANYMORE!!!!!!
(Song peters out, sound of bacon frying, Luke wails and cries and then screams:)
BAAAACOOOOONN!!!!!!
(ShoEboX: (quietly) oink oink oink oink oink...)
Credits
From Greatest Hits Volume 2: 2004​-​2009, track released