​screaming

I hear screaming all the time
Ever since I was like nine
And nobody is screaming but they could be
So my senses heighten

It's inside my head
Except it's not
Except it is
It seems to start

From stimuli inside the threshold
Far away enough to

Leave it open
For interpretation by my brain
Faster than I can ascertain
There is no danger
And cancel the unfolding
Anxiety attack
But it's too late to take it back
The volume of the TV's
On like 3 but it's too much for me

Right now at night I hear it through the floor
And put my headphones on
And turn them up as loud as I can handle
So that I can finally

Get some peace and quiet
In my head but when it's silent
It just makes me listen harder
Cause you know at any moment
I might

Have to spring into action
Or eavesdrop on my parents
Cause they could be talking shit about me
How terrible would that be

But really I guess that it's gotten
Better since I stopped taking
My medicine, the Ritalin
And other stimulants they had me on

Were doing numbers on my psyche
Even though they kind of helped me
Stupid doctor didn't tell me
Anything helpful but

I just let it go
Cos he was really really sexy
And intimidating I loved when he
Touched my balls and pressed his icy

Stethoscope against my chest
So he could hear my heartbeat
Just as loud and clear as it was
Echoing between my ears already

I hear facebook sounds in every song
I hear my name in every noun
I hear my dog crying three times a day
And I'd get up and pet him

But he's dead and every sound
That sounds like him just makes me
Want to stick a needle in my ear
But then again I'd probably

Still hear screaming every morning
And hear screaming every night
I'd still hear screaming when I'm
Home alone in the background
Of every song I listen to
To kill the screaming