Morton Interview

[Skit: Chris Morris, Andrew Morton]
Now, first of all remind me: how do I say your name again?
My name’s Andrew Morton.
And that’s it?
I hope so, yes.
Okay. Let’s look at the book. New edition, here it is. Um, first of all, its size. It actually looks bigger than it is, which is quite a crafty move. Was that the intention?
Well it is a bit—it’s a lot bigger than it—than—
Than it is?
—than the original one.
Yes. But it does look bigger than it is, as well. I mean I’m not comparing it to the original, I’m just saying, here’s a book, you see it in the shop, and it actually looks bigger than it is.
Well, I’m glad—I’m glad you think that—
Was that the intention?
I think, no, the intention was just to, print a, a—a—
Print a book?
—a book—a book of her life—
I mean, two thirds of the way through, uh, having thought its bigger than it is, you come to realise it’s bigger than you actually thought it was.
Uh-m—
‘cause it is carefully constructed, isn’t it?
Well, uh, I think it’s, it’s constructed, in, in a, really, in—in a...
I suppose the tragedy is, you have to be.
You have to be what?
Mm.

Now, looking at the way the book works, you seem to put your finger on things.
Well, what I’ve tried to do, I’ve spent a lo—
I mean let me—let me give you an example—
Sorry, go on—
The—the, um, here we are, “the tectonic plates which underpin society, having shifted culturally, socially, and politically, in the previous few years...”
Mm.
Now that describes, exactly, what had happened after Diana’s death. So many people struggled to put their finger on that. Was it something you worked hard on, or did it just come out, I mean how on earth?
Well, I, I...
“The tectonic plates which underpin society, having shifted culturally, socially, and politically in the previous few years...”
Well, I mean, several people have made a—have made a similar observation—
Ah, they’ve made a bosh! And generally looked quite silly.
Well I...to my mind, it seems that, we’ve—
Yeah.
—we’ve seen a major shift in our society—
So it’s to your mind—so your mind, when we— when we look back to, say, 1982, that this says, “hey, wait a minute, things are actually rather different.”
Yes, I mean I ce—I ce—I mean you—I see the change, quite, quite profoundly, that you can see, if you look at the news footage...
It is the tectonic plates that underpin society that have shifted culturally, socially, and politically—
I mean, I felt that quite profoundly—
And you thought, that’s it, it’s, it’s the tectonics here, that are, fairly—
Well, I mean, that’s the...
History’s important, isn’t it? What would—what would—what would it be like if we didn’t have history?
Well, I think we’d—we’d have a rather shallow society. I mean—
Well you’re a—you’re a historian, I mean, what is it? Is it the facts? Is it the events? Or is it the words, or the feeling of the words...
I think—
Or the evidence?
I think it’s the ev—
Which of these is the first?
I think the first thing is, is the evidence.
You can have evidence without actually any events.
Well, evidence about—about the events, but—
Right.
—what I mean is that you need—
What if events defeat evidence?
(sighs)

Now, in the balance, I suppose, and particularly away from the heat of, um, say two months ago, I think the balance is that, uh, Andy Morton is a decent guy. What I want to know is how you feel about other people who are, feeding off the same...carcass. The people who make, um, computer games, like Last Chase, where you are playing a paparazzo, chasing a car through a tunnel, subtitle of the game, snap the dying bitch, you know.
Does that really exist?
Well, it’s on the internet, isn’t it.
Good grief.
Guess which country that comes from?
Uh, America.
Right.
What’s your moral position on Last Chase?
Well, I—I mean, I find them, fairly abhorrent. Because, all you’re doing is exploiting somebody’s death, for that...
Mm.

I just wonder if I could, uh, read a section of the book.
Yep.
Okay?
Yeah.
Right.

Are we done?
Sh! It’s just longer than I thought, actually, hang on. I’m nearly—
Sorry, you’re—
I’m nearly—now, I’m reading it now, I’m nearly at the end. Hang on.
Now he’s reading it.
I need quiet when I’m doing this, otherwise I get put off.

(turns page)
I had to start again though, because, uh, you spoke while I was reading it. Andrew?
What?
Thank you. There’s still a noise there, you’re still doing a kind of...were you doing something with your pen?
I’m absolutely silent.
I’m just getting down to break-o-heart, okay?

Very good, nearly there. Good boy. Ooh, hang on, little creak there, hang on. Just do that last sentence again. Good, thank you very much.
Thank you Ashley.