4ft Car

[Skit]
Day before yesterday, I picked me car up from the garage. Geezer says, "Over there mate, key’s in the ignition." And I look—I cannot bloody believe it. The car is only four-foot long! I say, "what’s this?" He goes, "it’s your car." I said "what d’you mean, it’s my fucking car?", he said "oh, that was what it
was like when you drove it in here."

I said "Don’t fuck me about! How did I drive that in? It’s only two foot six tall!" He goes, "you must have put on some weight." I thought I was going fucking mad! Then the manager comes out, said "what the fuck’s going on here", I said "I paid good money for this!" He goes, "what’s wrong with it?" I said ‘what d’you mean, what’s fucking wrong with it!’ I said "look at the size of it!" He goes "what?", I said "it’s only about four fucking foot long, what the fuck have you done to it?" Then he says, "oh, well, that’s how it came in," he goes, "I particularly remember that one ‘cause I used to have one meself."

A fucking four-foot vauxhall carton, oh fucking yes! And I said "is that it then?" I said "is that what I have to drive away?" And they said, "it’s your car, take it or leave it, it’s up to you!" So I had to—I just had to fucking squeeze into it, didn’t I? Fucking knees round me ears. In this four fucking foot car, that’s only two foot six tall! I mean what am I, fucking Noddy?

(Day, for, night)
Fucking Noddy!
(Day, for, night)
Noddy!
(Day, for, night)
(Day, for, night)
(Day, for, night)
Noddy!