Banana Gate

Yeah. Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you. What’s going on? Good to see everybody out here tonight. Thank you. Hey, have a seat. Everybody be comfortable and relax. Oh, my gosh. Good to be back in Austin, Texas. It’s good to know that plaid is back in.

Most of the dudes I meet around these parts are dressed like a dyke in New York, so I’m glad to see that. Man! Fucking Texas. This place is— It’s pretty good.

Pretty damn good. I was in Santa Fe the other night, and a motherfucker threw a banana peel at me. Yeah, that didn’t feel so good. Of course, it was a white person. Not to indict the whites. I’m just saying. Not to profile. And then, not only did he throw a banana peel at me, but… it was premeditated.

You could tell. You could tell. The peel was too brown. You know what I mean? You didn’t eat that banana recently, motherfucker. You had that shit waiting on me. And the whole crowd was white, so it just got instantly creepy, and everyone looked like they were looking at 12 Years a Slave. They were all just like… Who the fuck does that? And then they arrested the guy, which was… [laughs] I said, “Someone’s gonna fuck you in the butt in the holding cell. You know that, right? You can’t just be throwing banana peels at Dave Chappelle. They’re not gonna let you get away with this.” And the press called me up like, “Do you have a statement?” “A statement?! For a fucking banana peel? No! I don’t have anything to say.”

This guy was fucking famous for throwing a banana peel at me. Twenty years from now, he’ll be tucking his kids into bed, and the kids will be like, “Daddy, tell me about the day you threw that banana peel at that nigger in Santa Fe.” “Boy, I tell you what. That black motherfucker had it coming. I saw his name up on the marquee about a week before. I said, ‘Man, if I could just get close enough to meet him… I’d throw a banana on that nigger and show him how—'”

Fucking Bananagate.