Women Priests

Well, I'm having a wonderful time. I like women very much. The Church likes women, but not for priests. For nuns of course, for priests... do some of you want to become a priest, probably? Couple of you? Well, I don't think you're gonna make it. We're against that, that's the official line, you know. And you know the reason? (Why?) Tradition, that's why. That's what the Pope says, he says Jesus didn't have no woman apostles, so there should be no woman priests. You know? It's like, you know, when Jimmy Carter... (Jesus did, it's on his collection plate) What? (Jesus did, he has a collection plate!) You have a proof of this?

Maybe it was a... maybe it was no plate, but it probably was a jar, an urn, something like that, you know. But you know, like Jimmy Carter when he made, like, his cabinet, he put a woman into the cabinet. And that was like a symbolism, you see? It showed woman equal to man. It was like making a woman apostle. But Jesus, he couldn't make one woman apostle. You know, Mary Magdalene was a friend of his, she could have done it. His mother, you know, she only had one kid. She had time on her hands, she could've been apostle. But no! Men, all men. Look at the depiction of Last Supper, can see for yourself: it's man, man, man, man, man, man, Jesus, man, man, man, man, man, man. All men!

And you know, there's this one nun, I don't wanna mention her name, 'cause we'll just give her more publicity. She says that Jesus could've been a woman. Isn't that something, you believe it? Jesus could've been a woman, huh. The Bible is just full of stories, that show that Jesus could've been no woman. (Like what?) Like, I tell you what like, like wedding entertainer. You know that one, wedding at the Cana? Actually, it was the wedding reception at the Cana. Jesus was there with all of the apostles, they was having a wonderful time, enjoying themselves. And Jesus, you know, he was so perceptive. He could just look at people and like, read their minds, you know? He was into body language, psychology, all that stuff. And he was talking to the father of the bride, and he says to him "you know, you look a little bit distressed to me." And the father of the bride, he says: "I am distressed." He says: "I'm almost out of wine, and it's gonna make me look like a real cafone."

Well, Jesus, he says to him: "Don't worry your head about it", he says: "just show me where is the bathroom, please." They show him where was the bathroom. Jesus, he says "fill up the tub with cold water." They fill him up with cold water. Jesus then, he just waves his hand, and it turned the water into wine. And then, all of the people was drinking the wine, and they was going up to the father of the bride, and they was telling him: "Mister Baglioni, this is wonderful wine! This is- you know, ususally they serve the best wine first; but you, you save the best till last."

So you see, Jesus — he just didn't turn water into wine. He turned water into good wine. And everybody knows most women can't tell good wine from a cold duck. (Aww...) Well... excuse me, please. It offends some of you, I get an impression? Well, that's official line only, you know what I mean? That's what they say for the book, you know. Well, personally, I hope woman priest. I'm for it. I hope women are monsignors...