What Was A Woman To Do

[MURIEL]
Last night I met a man beneath a pale and haunted moon
A man no woman could refuse
Bold and assertive with a furtive air of mystery
Magically long of lash
Tragically short of cash

As he approached he wore an aura of nobility
I wore these Ferragamo shoes
This was, at last, I knew, my rendezvous with history
What was a woman
What was a woman to do?

And when he smiled he lit the night with grace and confidence
His teeth were clean and straight and white just like a picket fence
I couldn't look directly at them, they were that intense
What was a woman
What was a woman to do?

I never realized how long my heart had been ignored
He sang my name and it rang out just like some major chord!
If music be the food of love, he ate my smorgasbord
What was a woman—

[WOMAN #2]
What was a woman—

[WOMAN #3]
What was a woman to do?

[MURIEL]
Last night I met a prince and suddenly my life has changed
I have a purpose and a cause...

He's off rebelling
And I'm kvelling here, but nevermind

So goddamn continental

Who'd guess that I would be the only
one to whom he'd turn

This man of brio
And panache!

He gave me romance
And the feeling
I was young again

[WOMAN #2]
Last week I met a prince and ahh...

He's just so— oooh!

And I'm the only one
This man of brio
And panache!

A check made out to cash

[WOMAN #3]
I have a purpose and a cause: to help my dreamy royal boyfriend!

So suave it makes you mental!

And I'm the only one

This man of brio
And panache!

I gave him hope and strength and
A check made out to cash
[USHERETTE]
He had the most amazing eyes
That I had ever seen
He came in with a ticket
For the second mezzanine!
I ripped it up and put him
Right down there in J-13!

[MURIEL, spoken]
Miss, if you don't mind...?

[USHERETTE]
What was a woman—

[WOMEN]
What was a woman—

[MURIEL]
What was a woman to do?