Virus

[Intro]
What up, what up
It’s J Pee Baby
I’m standing here with three of the most
Badass fuckin’ viruses in all the land
Common cold, Flu, and Herpes
And right now we’re gonna
Find out which on of them is the most badass
Common cold, let’s get it!

[Verse 1]
“Doorknob, stray cough
Handshake, tabletop
Pick me up
Anywhere
Waitin’ for ya
Bus stop
Underestimated
Under the radar
Like paintjobs
Haters call me weak sauce
But I’m thick skinned
Rhinal virus
Made with [?]
But I’m never gonna kill
I’m just gonna make you feel real
Congested
Head is gonna pop
Beggin’ me to stop
Stuffin’ you like your neighbor’s
Stuffin’ your mom
Sinuses blockеd
Gotta get the vaccine
But I еvolve too fast
Usain Bolt that’s me
No vaccine can catch me
I work hard, ain’t flashy
That’s why every vax they tried is in the
Trash heap
Straight up gave up tryna trap me
Subtle and efficient catch you when your least
Wishin’ it
Take a sick day
Thank me
I’m giving it
Big plans, wait and see
Check the stands, Steven King
‘Till they grab the Kleenex
I can’t Vitamin C
And say
(What you say man?)

[Chorus]
Why he gotta do me like that?
(Why he do?)
Why he gotta do me like that?
(Achoo)(Shit!)
Why he gotta achoo me like that?
(I’m sick!)
Why he gotta do me like that?”
Flu!

[Verse 2]
“Feel the heat
(High)
Make you scared of needle
(Shot)
Got my own season
Spring, Summer, Winter, Fall
(Flu!)
Fuck keepin’ you a hundred
I keep you hundred and two
(Woo!)
Fit into those jeans when I’m done with you!
(Flu diet)
I’m hard to swallow
(Dope)
Make you feel funny
Like take the totter
(Haha)
Lymph nodes ballin’
Error, no fly low
(2013)
Woulda killed you all by now
Damn Apollo!”

[Bridge]
Hold up I don’t understand that reference
“Yeah apollo is credited with givin’ modern medicine to man
Fucked my whole shit up”
Damn flu your smart man
“Yeah I’ve been around a minute motherfucker”

[Verse 2 cont.]
“How I make you cold shiver
When you hot like Mars
In November I am the reason why
Your mom calls
(Hello)
Checkin’ up on you like
“Honey you remember your shot?”
You be like
“Yes ma, love you”
But you lied and forgot
Now you got
Diarrhea
Diarrhea
Let ‘em get you
Diarrhea
Body so confused
Make you feel like your butt peein’
But that’s not your job
Liquid comes out the other spot
But your body more befuddled than the
Finale of Lost
Better get up in a animal
(girl)
Bird a swine? Don’t really matter bro
That’s when I really put you in danger
Powers combined like power rangers
(OH)
Killed by lies
Now I’m systemic
Call it a motherfucking epidemic
I’ma get it in a zebra next
Zebra flu gon’ be a pandemic
That’s my plan
Or a kangaroo flu
Gonna straight up fuck a kangaroo
Hoppin’ to a country near you
And you’ll be like

[Chorus]
Why he gotta do me like that?
(Flu! Flu!)
Why he gotta screw me like that?
(Flugitty, Flugitty, Flu!)
Why Flu gotta Flu me like that?
(Flu!)
Why pee comin’ outta my ass?”

[Verse 3]
“Herpes!
Think you were sore
After Crossfit
Poor baby
You don’t know sores
Bitch
No ‘till you have me
I’ma mutilate your genitals
Like Ted Bundy
Dick lookin’ like that bitch got
Gangbanged by bees!
(Bzz)
I’m the reason that you wakin’ up in
Cold sweats
After unknown sex
Told you he was clean
But you still vexed
Knowin’ that my simplex
Doesn’t always show signs
M. Night Shyamalan virus
Throwin’ up a twist on your life
Now you gotta tell everyone that you meet
Every suitor wooin’ you
Tryna give you the D
That if bones he might get
Blown back by me
He not fuckin’ you now
Unless you’re good with your feet
Live in abstinent heat
Now you’re looking
For a person who will give you a ring
Who loves you so much
That he wants to take your disease
Stop living that way just take it from me!
Fuck responsibility
It’s killing your virility
You don’t have to tell him shit
Let him put it in
Let his dick play the lottery
What is wrong with me!
Tell him baby
“Put your mouth down south
Pretty please
I’ll cover your lips thick
Birds, bees”
What I’m really tryna say is
Bitch stop blabbin’
Smear me like jelly on a sandwich
Wanna make every single pussy, mouth, ass, and dick
My very own zombie apocalypse
Moms to kids
Poor to rich
Dogs to fish
I want 100% like a Math’s quiz
So shut the fuck up instead of spittin’ the truth
I’ve already got 1 in 6 of you

[Chorus]
Why she gotta do me like that?
(Why she do me?)
Why she gotta screw me like that?
(Screw me good!)
Why she gotta put sores in my ass?
(Ow!)
Damn those are sores in my ass
(So deep in my ass)

[Outro]
Damn I don’t know who the real winner is
All I know is
I’ve had all three of you
And I still have one
But since I’ve gotta pick a winner
I’m gonna give it to
Humanity!
(Us, us, us, us, us, us)
Didn’t see that one comin’ did ya?
The ultimate virus
(Us, us, us, us, us, us)
And don’t get me wrong
I love humans
But I fuckin’ hate humans
(hahahahaha)
It’s weird
And really confusin’
But it’s really true
Just kinda feel stuck