Candy Rapper

I
Am
Trashy like a candy wrapper
Shiny packaging is distracting you from my ugly center
Wish I didn’t have to wear it, I think I would fare better
But apparently we’re supposed to leave these on, so, whatever

People need to see some sort of false delusion of yourself
If you ain’t packaged right you bet your ass ain’t getting on the shelf
Put your shiny plastic on, hide the world from your neuroses
That shit’s organic though
The wrapper never decomposes

I lucked out though, didn’t I, my candy wrapper ain’t half bad
So many grocery shoppers want a piece of this ass man
(sexy)
If they only knew what was buried deep down inside
All of the things that the store manager demands me hide
If I expose my true self I’ll be ostracized
(Don’t tell em)

For instance
I’m not supposed to say I want our president dead
Or I make race jokes and rape jokes every day in my head
And there’s handful of marriages that I’ve tried to subvert
And I really don’t give a fuck about Amber Alerts

It’s 1o’clock in the morning in Los Angeles, how am I supposed to find one Chevy Silverado?
It’s fucking impossible

And to the girls I messed with in high school and took to prom
Occasionally I did fantasize about your moms
Cuz you were new to giving head, hell I couldn’t blame you
It’s just sometimes I wish your mom barged in and taught us both a thing or two

I think inside every civilized person lies a violent gorilla
And it’s not impossible to empathize with serial killers
Also, around 8 or 9 I killed a chinchilla
It was an accident, kind of
See
I was playing with him when he bit my finger, digit number ten
Before I knew it I turned into Lenny from Of Mice and Men
I think about it all the time, it left deep scars
But what really terrified me was how easy it was

I had anger issues in college, but I repressed it quite unhealthily
Which gave birth to the worst addiction I had, just fap all day to pornography
Mouse click, grip dick choreography
Memorize every inch of topography
Of my keyboard typing really fucked up shit
Not giving a fuck if the government’s watching me
Fake Taxi, Milf Hunter, Casting Couch, Bang Bros
Or a cutie putting her bootie up against gloryholes
I loved how impersonal it was, no games or grace
Chicks so horny they just wanted to fuck a dick with no face
Oo!
That one’s still a fantasy, walk into a bathroom and take a leek
And a hot chick is watching from a peephole
Begging for me to give her the J Pee D

No seriously every time I go into a public restroom I look for a hole and there’s never a hole and I- where is it?

Guys, porn addiction is a thing
And a lot of you probably have it
And it’s tougher than you think it would be to stop jizzing all over the keys like a rabbit
It might be worth breaking the habit
Relationships could be salvaged
I treated women with more respect once my abuse was bandaged
I’m just rambling

Feel free to take any and every word I say
Open up the trash can and throw that shit away
Like a
Candy wrapper
Candy wrapper
Candy wrapper
Yummy!
Candy rapper
Candy rapper
Candy rapper
Finally did a hook

I feel like I went too deep
Missed an opportunity
To be witty with this rap theme
And satisfy your craving, so

He a scrumptious candy bar
Treat him like a Payday
Rip him open, eat his nuts
Then I throw that bitch away

I was gonna use the metaphor with Milky Way
But the nuts thing really sold me
Plus I like them better anyway

Maybe one day, we all get bought from the store
Simultaneously unwrapped and just thrown on the floor
And realize that we kinda look the same a little bit
Easily mistaken for tiny pieces of-

Why, Why…
Were candy bars designed to look like that? Like they just came out of someone’s ass?
I don’t know, I don’t know I just feel like that’s an issue that would have been foreseen
For a treat you’re supposed to give your kids on Halloween…

Ah fuck that’s the theme
That’s the theme, right there
That’s the theme of the song, I finally got there