The Bitch Song (2005)

[Spoken Intro]
I almost got married several years ago and it didn't happened and, uh
I think it was mostly her fault and, uh
I'd just like to share with you a little song that I wrote about her and, uh
I hope you enjoy it
...
One thing, actually, I'm sorry
Before I do this song, I just got this new album from the Dave Matthews Band
And it's a live album, and every time he starts a song
He does like, the first chord, and all of a sudden there's this huge, like
Uproarious applause 'cause it's everybody's favorite song or whatever
I know you guys have never heard any of this shit before
But I thought it might be fun to try to recreate that whole moment right now
You know?
I just think that would be fun if we, uh
Maybe some people in the bar will be like, "Oh, this dude is famous! Let's check this shit out"
So here we go, we're gonna start again
This is a song about a girl that I knew back in California
Hope you enjoy
Thank you

[Verse 1]
She never was abused when she was younger
Her father never up and ran away
And even though her family gave her all the love she needs
Somehow she's a bitch anyway

[Verse 2]
Me, I try to be the perfect hero
I said "I love you" 2000 fucking times a day
I showered her with presents bought from the finest shops in town
But somehow she's a bitch anyway

[Chorus]
And when I tell her my funny stories
She says, "Well, I guess, you had to be there"
I played her my new song, she said it sucks
And when the evening news shows homeless people
She says it's their own damn fault
Then she hits me up for 50 bucks

[Outro]
Somehow she's a bitch anyway
She's a fucking bitch anyway
(Oh, thanks)