I’m in Minneapolis (you’re in Hollywood)

[Verse 1]
I'm in Minneapolis, you're in Hollywood
And I heard for you things were going pretty good
You're screening your calls, I'm freezin' my balls off
'Cause I'm in Minneapolis and you're in Hollywood

[Verse 2]
I'm Amarillo, Texas, you're in La La Land
And I just did a show and got heckled by the Ku Klux Klan
You're having sex on the beach, I'm opening for screech
'Cause I'm in Amarillo, Texas and you're in Hollywood

[Verse 3]
I'm in Opelousas, Louisiana, you're in Tinseltown
And I just saw your face on TV while I was flipping around
You're signing some girl's boob, I'm reaching for some lube
'Cause I'm in Opelousas, Louisiana and you're in Hollywood

[Verse 4]
I'm in Truth or Consequences, New Mexico, you're back in L.A
And I hеard you were making 3000 dollars a day
You're at thе Beverly Hills Hotel, I'm next door to an Al Qaeda cell
There's mud coming out of the waterspout
And the toilet paper just ran out
So excuse me if I sound just a little off-kilter
I've been whiping my ass with a coffee filter
'Cause I'm in Truth or Consequences, New Mexico
And you're in Hollywood

[Verse 5]
I'm in a bowling alley somewhere near Oskaloosa, Iowa
You're on the Walk of Fame
And the people here seem to think my songs are lame
I just did a show and they hated my guts
Some chick with a mallet just kicked me in the nuts
Same damn song for the 2000th time
You are the blossom and I am the vine
I'm gonna go to the bar and drown my sorrow
Does anybody have a rope I can borrow?
'Cause I'm a in bowling alley somewhere near Oskaloosa, Iowa
And you're in Hollywood

[Outro]
Yeah, I'm a in bowling alley somewhere near Oskaloosa, Iowa
And you're in Hollywood
Now I'm coming up on Little Rock and you're in Hollywood
Think I'll stop at the Waffle House and you're in Hollywood
I'm in Minneapolis, you're in Hollywood