Girlfriend

[Spoken Intro]
Oh, thank you
This is a brand new song
It's a little bit more uptempo
The kind you can dance to it a little bit, I guess
But don't, 'cause that'll make everybody uncomfortable
It's called "I Really, Really Need to Get a Girlfriend"

[Verse 1]
I gotta get a girlfriend
I gotta get a girlfriend
(Is it getting catchy yet?)
(I'm trying to sell this to, uh, Justin Timberlake or something, but I haven't...)
I gotta get new clothes
So I can get a girlfriend
I gotta start clippin' my toes
So I can get a girlfriend
Stop pickin' my nose
So I can get a girlfriend
Stop wearing pantyhose
So I can get a girlfriend
Girlfriend

[Verse 2]
I'm even willing to pay
Some girl to say that she's my girlfriend
'Cause all my friends think I'm gay
'Cause I never have a girlfriend
I'd buy flowers every day
For my girlfriend
I wouldn't be like O.J
And kill my girlfriend
Girlfriend

[Verse 3]
(This is for the musicians out there, watch this)
I just changed the key
So I can get a girlfriend
Start having sex for free
With my girlfriend
She can even have VD
And still be my girlfriend
It might hurt when I pee
But at least I'd have a girlfriend
Girlfriend

[Bridge]
(And this is kind of the bridge part here, which sort of breaks it off a little)
(Fuck you guys)
We could sit around and do crazy shit together like
I could pull her ears out and say
"Hey, look everybody, it's Dumbo!", and she'd be all like
"Who the fuck are you and how'd you get into my house?"
(Alright)

[Verse 4]
How low do I have to sink
To get me a girlfriend?
I could put something in her drink
And she could be my girlfriend
But then they'd put me in the clink
And I'd be someone else's girlfriend
Girlfriend
Girlfriend

[Spoken Outro]
Oh, thank you