Sneezes

They have a lot of different sneezes—they have the chocolate sneeze, sounds like this: *hershey*
Then they have the inquisitive sneeze: *who is she?*
Then they have the barnyard sneeze: *horsesh—*—I guess you never lived on a farm, huh?
Don't you remember corn cobs?
Yes, everybody in the country used to live in the big house, and out from the big house, they had a little shed, called that the shed house
My brother's in the shed house one day and he had a long pole, and he was digging down into—he was trying to reach—I said, "What you doin' diggin' down in there?"
He said, "I dropped my coat down there"
I said, "You don't want that old coat now, do ya?"
He said, "No, damn the coat, my lunch is in the pocket"
I'm here to tell you, folks, it's hard to beat that Saran Wrap
No, and in the corner of the shed house, they usually had a bushel of the corn cobs—this was a hundred years before Z
No, really, corn cobs, we had 'em in Tennessee, brown ones and white ones—use a brown one then use a white one and see if you need another brown one
Could you—I said don't choke yourself, just laugh right out, to tell with your neighbors, they not gon' die for ya, so why let 'em tell you when you can laugh? A lot of people come out with friends and they won't—"Hmm, how could he...?" Up your prude crock! That's what I say. You got to live your own life.
You ever been to a funeral and hear them old ladies lie, said, "Oh," guy'd be laying in the coffin, the old lady walk up and say, "Oh Lord, don't take him, take me!" Now why didn't she say that when he was just sick? Buncha liars. If the Lord bust the ceiling of that church and said, "Alright, darling, come right on," she say, "Wait a minute, I got to explain to ya, ah, wait a minute." Don't nobody wanna leave here. I've heard some people say, "I don't wanna get old and get into folks' way"—I do. If I'm in your way, move me.
You ever meet Wilt the Stilt? You've got to meet him, it's unbelievable. I stood up to shake his hand and looked him right in the zipper. Too bad girls aren't that tall, it would make dancing better. Those dances those youngsters do now are something, ain't they? We used to do that years ago laying down.