Questions

Questions: Why does an ocean roar? Hell, you'd roar too if you had that many crabs on your bottom
Why is the fire engine red? If you had your hose stretched that far, you'd be red, too
What's the difference between a mosquito and a fly? You can't sew a zipper on a mosquito
It was a French man, he was sleeping, as soon as his feet hit the pillow, he was sound asleep
I like women over 40—they don't yell, they don't tell, they don't swell, and they're grateful as hell
They had a lady sheriff in Texas, had the biggest posse America's ever known
They had pictures of her posse at the museum
Now, I've seen some posses in my day, but she had the biggest posse I've ever seen in my life—big, mean looking posse
You've seen 'em, maybe you rode in one
Old lady came in here, signified last night because I talked about a girl I used to go with, had a hump in her back
I wasn't making fun, I used to go with her, I didn't see the hump, hump didn't make no difference to me
It was like Claudia and David, Enchanted Cottage—I loved her, that big hump and all
We broke up, though, finally—she was supposed to meet me down at the beach and I had the hole dug and she didn't show up
See how they laughing? They didn't want each other to know they were both laughing at that
Hire the handicapped—they're fun to watch, you got to watch them suckers
Might as well laugh out loud because the handicapped talk about you when you pass by—they do, I've heard 'em in the wheelchair say, "You good-walking bastard!"
It was a fella out at Disneyland, no kidding, fella out at Disneyland had an epileptic fit and three kids jumped on his back, thought he was a new ride
Threw me off twice
I don't like the Ferris Wheel—I don't fool around no Ferris, especially in a wheel
You know, two guys came in here last night, looked strange. I thought it was something with those fur shoes on, and the purple suit. It was a guy—no, I'ma tell you—I'ma tell you this first—these two guys, one guy said, "I don't want to go in there because when they see I ain't pregnant, they'll laugh." The other guy said, "Pregnant? Whose is it?" He said, "How should I know? I don't have no eyes in the back of my head."
This guy walked in a bar one night, and it was a fella sitting there with a funny-looking suit on, you know, with lace around the lapels, lace coming out the cuff, and lace on his cuffs down on his pants, and a big jeweled buckle belt. Fella walked over and said, "Man, what you wearing them funny-looking clothes like that for?" He said, "Well, it's all a mistake. I sent my wife downtown to Sears Roebuck, sent her down to Sears just to get me a seersucker suit, and she went to the wrong store, she went to Cox department store, and uh..."
Good evening. Chinese? Ni hao, ma—I speak all that, are you kidding me? I was in Mexico three months, I was doing 90 days, you figure it out
But, you know, the world has gone electric, have you noticed that—electric dryers, electric stoves, electric kitchens, electric can openers, electric—everything electric. Boy, pretty soon everything will be electric. Can you imagine sitting there on a big, fine, soft chair trying to pass some electric?