Sid Sheinberg Sings! CP Violation Song

[Intro: Logan Whitehurst, Sid Sheinberg]
Hey, Sid? Sid?
Yeah, what is it, kid, you want an autograph?
Well, sure, but I was wondering if I could ask you a question
Hand me that pen there, I'll sign your napkin
...uh, here you go
What's your name?
Logan
To Logan... thanks for bothering me after my piano act and making me miss my bus home, (o-m-e), Sidney J. Sheinberg, RG
...thanks. Anyways, about that question-
I know what you're gonna ask, so don't even bother. Here, let me sing you a song about it before the bar closes here. *clears throat*...okay, the Charged Conjugation Parity Violation Song, by Sidney J. Sheinberg
I, b- uh...
Two, three

[Verse 1: Sid Sheinberg]
There's matter in my trousers
There's matter in my hair
There's so much freakin' matter
It's damn near everywhere
What isn't making sense to me
Is how it all got there
But seriously, what puzzles me
Is why I even care
Physicists love symmetry
It's simple and it's nice
For explaining all phenomena
Just a couple rules suffice
But when you get down small enough
It's very plain to see
That certain little particles
Create asymmetry

[Chorus 1: Sid Sheinberg]
Charged conjugation parity violation
A mystery to all involved
It might explain asymmetry and help us all begin to see
Just how this universe evolved

[Bridge: Sid Sheinberg]
Charged conjugation is basically the process by which you turn a particle into it’s “opposite” or “anti-particle.” Positive becomes negative, negative becomes positive, ya know, charged conjugation. And parity, well, all that is is just a particle’s position in space, where it is, x-y-z coordinates, ya get me?
I- don- uhh-
Okay well, when you have particles decay, and you should have just as much matter created as anti-matter, anti-matter being the opposite of matter. Well, the anti-particle usually does the exact opposite of what the particle does, you see, so it’s position and charge will be opposite, thus, the law of CP symmetry. But, matter and anti-matter would have to be created in equal amounts, right? Cancel each other out, conservation of matter can’t create stuff outta thin air, right? Right, okay. But just look around there what have ya got? Matter, whole buckets full of the crap! “Where’s the anti-matter? it’s not here!” Pretty much the only place we can see it is when we make it ourselves, by smashing particles up in proton colliders. Well, that’s funny there should be just as much anti-matter as there is matter. Well, we don’t know for sure if there are whole galaxies of this stuff floatin’ out there farther than we can see, but it’s pretty unlikely. So where’s the fundamental asymmetry? Now, sometimes, and this has been observed, when a K meson, or “Kaon” as the kids are callin’ it decays, you get a CP violatin’ asymmetrical result, where the anti-particle behaves differently than it is supposed to. The kaon, instead of decaying into a two-pion group and a three-pion group, which would be asymmetrical law-abiding results, it will decay into two two-pion groups! Oh, what the hell!! Don’t ask me about that now, we don’t know why it happens, but it does. So, here’s this asymmetrical reaction stuck in the middle of all our beautiful symmetry. Okay? Now, apply this asymmetrical tendency to the first few seconds after the big bang, ‘round about the vacuum era. Who knows, maybe this could help explain why there’s so much matter around here but no anti-matter…sing!

[Chorus 2: Sid Sheinberg]
Charged conjugation parity violation
A mystery to all involved
It might explain asymmetry and help us all begin to see
Just how this crazy universe evolved the way it did

[Outro: Logan Whitehurst, Sid Sheinberg]
Does that answer your question?
No
Well, it's all theoretical
(piano sounds)