Oh, That’s Rich

[HELENA, spoken]
What are these?

[TOMMY, spoken]
Recipes- two of them

(singing)
Ingredients for Ardena, her tonic for toning skin

[HELENA, spoken]
The glyco, the boric acid, the humectin, the glycerin
So?

[TOMMY]
Her lotion for grooming horses
To rub down their hairy hide

[HELENA, spoken]
The glyco, the boric acid- no!

(singing)
The same things they have inside!

[TOMMY, spoken]
Bingo!

[HELENA]
Ohoho, that's rich!
The same schmutz she puts on horses!

[MR. LEWIS, spoken]
Goes on ladies!

[HELENA]
Which is which?
Her stable or skincare line?
If I snitch!
Such scandal in hands of high up sources
Watch them switch
From her clientele to mine!

[ELIZABETH, spoken]
Let's do it! Let's go tit for tat!

[HARRY, spoken]
Recipes all the way from her mother's stovetop back in Krakow!

[ELIZABETH]
Oh, Harry!

(singing)
Ingredients for Valaze Crème
My goodness, does this look bad!
Reduction of rendered lamb fat
Mixed with pine bark? The woman's mad!

[HARRY, spoken]
Keep reading!

[ELIZABETH]
The extract of calf placenta
Gelatinous hoof of horse- horse!?
The senator shall be sent a note anonymously

[HARRY]
Of course!

[BOTH]
Oh, that's rich!

[HARRY]
The scientist from the shtetl
It's pure kitsch!
The chemistry she invents

[ELIZABETH]
That sly bitch!
Should Congress expose her witch's kettle
Her cache

[HARRY]
Will sink in its own pretense

[ELIZABETH, spoken]
Harry!

[HELENA]
These charges will be suspended!

[ELIZABETH]
This hearing is all in vain!

[BOTH]
The company reputation is defended

[HELENA AND TOMMY]
Time to drink champagne!

[ELIZABETH AND HARRY]
Pink champagne!

[ALL FOUR]
Oh, that's rich!
The Washington game of power
Such a stitch!
These phonies who wheel and deal
Just one hitch

[ELIZABETH]
Elizabeth Arden will not cower

[HELENA]
Now they know
The Rubinsteins' spine of steel