Best Face Forward

[MALE VOICE, spoken]
You!

[COUNTESS, spoken]
Me?

[MALE VOICE]
Yes, you. Not every woman is a natural beauty.
But the right face cream can work miracles!

[COUNTESS, sung]
Does my eyeshadow go with my clothes?
Are my crow's feet a mortal disaster?
Do my pores need foundation or plaster?
Am I putting my best face forward?

[FEMALE VOICE, spoken]
You!

(GRAND DAME looks around at the
OTHERS.)

Not them, Madam -- you! Has your husband
lost interest? Is he making small talk with
hat-check girls?

[GRAND DAME, spoken]
How did you know?

[FEMALE VOICE]
Might it be the fault of your appearance?

[GRAND DAME, sung]
Do my roots match the rest of my hair?
Am I wearing the wrong color makeup?
Is my powder beginning to cake up?
Am I putting my best face forward?

[HEIRESS, sung]
Whomever I may pass,
On the street, the store, the classroom,
Both men and women judging me!

[OTHERS, sung]
Judging me!

[HEIRESS]
Society begrudging me

[OTHERS]
Begrudging me!

[HEIRESS]
My right to age with grace.

[SOCIETY DOYENNE, sung]
I ask my looking glass

[OTHERS]
Looking glass, I'll ask you

[SOCIETY DOYENNE]
Explain to me what "beauty" means

[OTHERS]
What "beauty" means.

[SOCIETY DOYENNE]
Are beauty queens in magazines

[OTHERS]
Magazines

[ALL]
The standard
Ev'ry woman must embrace?
It's terrifying, face it! Face it!

[ALL FOUR]
What's a woman to do?
To put her best face forward?

(A red door appears and opens a crack.)

[OFFSTAGE VOICES]
AH-AH-AH-AH-AH…!
AH-AH-AH-AH-AH…!