Dinosaurs

[TOMMY, spoken]
Maybe they should have kept up with the times

[HARRY, spoken]
Well, Darwin taught us that's how you survive!

[TOMMY]
You know the opposite of survival?
Extinction

(singing)
Boom!
Crash!
Hear that fearsome sound?
Two archaic dinosaurs
Who somehow stuck around

They're the prehistoric missing link
Slathering their greasy goo
On wrinkled hides and faces

[HARRY]
Wham!
Smash!
Epidermis Rex
Raging in confusion
At the modern world of sex

Once they were behemoths
With an appetite for blood

[TOMMY]
Now their lapping prune juice up
Like puddles in the mud

[HARRY]
Ruthless

[TOMMY]
But as toothless as their roars!

[BOTH]
They're dinosaurs!
(squawking)

[TOMMY, spoken]
Larger than life anyway

[HARRY, spoken]
And they lasted eons!

[TOMMY]
Love 'em
Loathe 'em
They're the stuff of lore

[HARRY]
Life don't throw them Mammoth anymore
Never was

[TOMMY]
Ever was
Any bigger since

[BOTH]
Maybe the Smithsonian
Should mount their friggin' footprints

[TOMMY, spoken]
Look at us

[HARRY, spoken]
Who? Me and you?

[TOMMY]
Beat
Broke
Putting on a paunch
Paragons of salesmanship
Without a line to lodge

[HARRY]
First, you're making millions on your schmooze
Then you're clipping coupons from the news for Metamucil

[TOMMY]
Cry

[HARRY]
Joke

[BOTH]
Who's but you's to blame

[HARRY]
Glad to say I socked away enough to quit the game
Gonna spend my golden years where fossils go to die

[TOMMY, spoken]
Where?

[HARRY]
Sunset Village, Florida

[TOMMY]
Oh sweet Jesus, so am I

[HARRY]
Care to share a pied-à-terre?

[TOMMY]
Up yours!

[BOTH]
To albino, genus: wino
Dinosaurs!
(squawking)