Behind The Red Door

[ARDEN GIRLS]
Enter Miss Arden’s temple to beauty
Serving your every need is our duty
May you enjoy the full day you have in store:
Behind the Red Door!

Kindly remove your coats, hats and daywear
Put on the gowns all guests of Miss A wear
Slippers with non-skid soles for the sauna floor
Behind the Red Door!

First: An icy facial massage
With famous Ardenia Tonic

[ARDEN GIRL]
For your rosacea chronic!

[ARDEN GIRL]
Might we suggest a grapefruit colonic!

[ARDEN GIRLS]
Breathe a perfume of fresh floral splendor
Soft light to soothe the feminine gender
Rose petal pink with Louis Couture’s decor
Don’t you deserve a day to be pampered?
Lay back, relax, unhurried, unhampered
Nanny and cook will handle the kids while you’re
Behind the Red Door!

[ARDEN GIRL, spoken]
Choose your activities, ladies!

[WOMAN, spoken]
Oh dear, oh dear- what shall I do first?

[WOMAN, spoken]
I’ll try them all!

[ARDEN GIRL]
Dine on glassé of cucumber glacial

[ARDEN GIRL]
What you don’t eat we’ll use for a facial

[ARDEN GIRLS]
Vogue Magazine declares the cuisine top drawer!
Behind the Red Door!

[ARDEN GIRL]
Say that your fanny raises an issue

[ARDEN GIRL]
Smooth off that excess adipose tissue!

[ARDEN GIRL]
That's what the rolling gluteal press is for

[ARDEN GIRLS]
Behind the Red Door!

[ARDEN GIRL, spoken]
Yes! She is? On her way? Now?

[ARDEN GIRLS, sung]
She's coming
She's coming
Look busy
No slumming

[ARDEN GIRL]
She's rounding the corner of East 63rd!

[ARDEN GIRL]
She's driving past Tiffany's window, I heard!

[ARDEN GIRLS]
Dust off her portrait, and swiftly, dear
You know how she judges
See to those unsightly smudges

She's coming
She's coming
She's coming
She's coming

[ELIZABETH]
She's here!

[ELIZABETH, spoken]
A tad too heavy on the lipstick, dear

[ARDEN GIRLS]
Behind the Red Door!

[ELIZABETH, spoken]
Ardena skin tonic for that unfortunate eczema

[TOMMY, spoken]
Lizzie, we have to talk

[ELIZABETH, spoken]
Not now, Mr. Lewis

Have they had their Vienna Youth Mask?
My exclusive Vienna Youth Mask?

[ARDEN GIRLS, spoken]
Not yet, Ms. Arden

[ELIZABETH, spoken]
Well, what are you waiting for? American Beauty Roses each of you, and who am I? Well, your devoted gardener of course! Hook them up to the electrodes, pip pip!

(singing)
Certain reporters seeking the truth ask:
Can it be real? Your Vienna Youth Mask?
I am the proof that time isn't keeping score
Behind the red door

Hooked up to wires, as harnesses wrap you
Six hundred volts of energy zap you
Dead dormant skin cells now are a living spore
Behind the Red Door!

Name a famous Hollywood face
My Skin Food L'Orangé restarted
Wallace and Edward hoard it

[WOMAN]
How much?

[ELIZABETH]
Don't ask, or you can't afford it

Classic Venitian Cremé Amaretto
Take home a ten-ounce jar, and you'll get a
Sample of my new fragrance of love: L'Amor

Remember!
Since Adam's fall from grace in the garden
All thanks to Moi!

[ARDEN GIRLS]
Elizabeth Arden!

[ELIZABETH]
Heaven on Earth is open from nine to four
Monday through Friday

[ARDEN GIRLS]
Behind the Red Door

[ELIZABETH]
Refresh, replenish, renew!

[ARDEN GIRLS]
Behind the Red Door

[ELIZABETH]
Until tomorrow, adieu!

[ALL]
Behind the Red Door!