Mudbone - Intro

I was... I was born in Peoria, Illinois. (What's that?) That's a city, nigga. You probably wouldn't know anything about that, see. Old country ass boy. And when I was little, there was an old main, his name was Mudbone, and he'd dip snuff, and he'd sit in front of the barbecue pit, and he'd spit. See, that was his job. I'm pretty sure that was his job, see, 'cause that's all he did. But he'd tell stories, fascinating stories, see. He was fascinating. And I loved it, made me very happy. 'Cause I'd stay with him and listen to this stuff. See, you learn something when you listen to old people. They ain't all fools, see. 'Cause you don't get to be old being no fool, see.

So... a lot of young, wise men, they're dead as a mothafucka, ain't they? So he'd sit out there and tell his story, and he said: "When I first came up here from Tupelo, Mississippi, I drove up here in a tractor. That's right, 746 miles on one tank of gas." Said: "I had to leave Tupelo, 'cause I was workin' down there, I was in charge of the lobby in Lawrence County. So one night the lobby bust, and they blamed it on me, see. It's shit ain't no nigga in the world can hold back no water, when it wanna go. And they asked me, said 'why didn't you warn the peoples?' Well shit, I couldn't be runnin' through that water warning nobody. They was gonna find out sooner or later anyway."

I worked for the white man, his name was Bud Jennin. And I worked for... he was alright to work for, see, he was alright. White man, he wasn't bad, see. But he had a son named Junior, he were cockeyed. We called him Cockeyed Junior. And he was hard to work for, man, 'cause the eyes went where you wouldn't see [?]. He say 'nigga, pick that up!', you know, and 4-5 niggas been down, see. He fell in love with this golf and pencil boy, I went to the [?] to pick her up, see. I had a horse named Ginger, I hopped up, went up (*mwah*), went down there. Picked 'er up at the depo, she got off the train – big woman, weighed about 460 pounds. She got off the train sideways, they was pushin' her off it. Well, I saw her, I said "well shit, fine for him, he cockeyed – it don't mean nothin' to him."

And I walked over to introduce myself, "Ma'am, miss, ma'am, my name's Mudbone", and I tipped my hat – bitch slapped me across my head! Said "nigga, pick up the bag." I said goddamn! What kind of shit I've gotten- damn, what kind of shit- you know, I said this to myself. On them days, that's all a nigga could do to get mad, see. So I got mad, and I tried to help her with the bag, the bitch snatched away from me. You know, old uppity bitch, see?

Said goddamn, she stepped on the bug and the goddamn thing turned off on her. Well, I couldn't laugh, see, I had to bite a hole in my goddamn lip too. Blood trickin' down and shit. Horse stepped in and fased her. I took my time by gettin' that bug off him. So I set it up for her, helped her on the back, and I was [like]: *mwah* "Ginger, home!" You know, going home? Bitch leaned on and slapped me upside the head again! One of 'em good ones too, there was a sound: a pa-yow! Like that. I said maybe this bitch shot me, shit.

Well, we kept on home, I'm thinkin' of shit to do to her now, see. So I got home, went to the toolshed, and got me one of them craig jigsaw, and I sawed the bottom out of the outhouse. Then I hid in the bushes, waited for this big collard green-eating bitch to go to bathroom, see. Well, long about 8:30, she comes to go to the bathroom, I'm in the bush lookin' at her. She wobbled out to the outside, opened the door, went in, shut the door. I heard a big splash. That's when I got in the tractor and drove up here. I wasn't mad no more either.