Eulogy

[Intro: Jack Curtis]
(crowd chatter)
Hello, ladies and gentlemen,

The world-famous Latin Casino proudly presents the star of our show, Mr. Richard Pryor!

(crowd cheers)

[Opening: Richard Pryor]
We are... gathered here today on this soft occasion, to say goodbye to the dearly departed; he was dearly, and he has departed. Thus, that's why we call him the dearly departed. In other word, the nigga dead.

As you can see him laying here, I've been here three days, the boy ain't moved a muscle. So, I know the nigga dead. And, it seemed the death was quite a surprise to his ass.

(Turns to body) Didn't think you was ever gon' die, did you nigga? I told you 'bout fuckin' around, what was gonna happen.

However, he faced the ultimate test, as each main and wo-main must eventually face the ultimate test. And the ultimate test is... Let me repeat that... the ultimate test is... whether or not you can survive death. That's the ultimate test for yo ass, ain't it?

So far, don't nobody we know have passed the ultimate test. Least of all, this nigga layin' here. 'Cause this boy wasn't shit, I'm'on' tell you that right on. I saw him kickin' his momma's ass over there on 47th street.

(Turns to body) And if you think we gon' bury you with them diamonds and shit on, you got another thing comin'.

I'd like to introduce the boy's woman... ho, bitch, I don't know what she was. She's layin' over there in the booth... Wha-

(To woman) Say, girl! Whatchoo doin'? Well, don't sell no pussy in here! If you do, I want a cut!

Shit. It's yo fault the nigga dead!

If you'da been home when you was supposed to be, he wouldn't have been in the hotel fuckin' that faggot. Boy's husband came home, caught him fuckin' - shot the nigga in the ass on the downstroke.

And if there is a God, or a heaven, we don't want this nigga up there with us. Can I get a amen?

[Crowd:]
Amen! (Cheers)