I’m In Love With Everyone I Know (Sex Times Three version)

In case there's ever any questions of if I'm nice or if I'm mean
Well, the truth is I'm really a pterodactyl in a human body
Cause otherwise I'd be extinct!
I live on plants and vegetables and meat
I love my wife, I love my daughter and the occasional B movie
Yeah, I like From Justin To Kelly, and I hate American Idol
What the hell is wrong with Marc with a C?

I know I'm in love with everyone I know
And I know I need a haircut, but don't you dare call me a hippie
I'm in lovе with everyone I know
But I can't seem to figurе out anything about myself, so what'd I do? I’ll tell you what!

I went out and I took an online personality quiz
Where it turns out I'm Veronica Sawyer from the late eighties movie Heathers
And I don't stand for bullshit conformity
And the quiz said I've got me a wicked thing for Christian Slater
But that's not right, I don't swing that way
I mean he’s cute, but I just wasn't cut from that bolt of cloth
Even though I like Pump Up the Volume, I fuckin’ hated Kuffs
You can't even find that movie down at Stardust

I know I'm in love with everyone I know
Except for Christian Slater, I don't know him, he's exempt
Otherwise, I'm in love with everyone I know
And I can see the good in everyone I've ever met except my dad!

Cause we had a bad relationship
And all the people that cut me off on the way to work
But, nobody's perfect, I mean, look at yourself in the mirror
And ask yourself, honestly, man, "When was the last time I called my mom?"

My mom, my mom got beat up at a monster truck rally
And if I was there, well, I woulda kicked some ass
Cause for a guy that wears glasses, I could really serve some shit
You'd be surprised!
But afterwards I would have to tell you that

That I'm in love with everyone I know
Even if you go to monster truck rallies, drink Busch beer, and beat up my mom!
I'm still in love with everyone I know
And that's just not PC to say, unless you’re on exit
If you said "Marc, why are you in love with everyone you know?"
I'd say, "Cause I have the best family in the entire world, why wouldn’t I be?"
That's why I'm in love with everyone I know
And I can see the good in everyone I've ever met, especially you!