Laura, I Need Medicine (2006)

[Verse 1]
Got a crush on a girl named Donna Pinciotti
And I wanna take her home and play a badass game of Yahtzee
Her real name is Laura, and I just want another chance
To not make so much noise next time I'm goin' through her trash
I'd make her a bowl of soup just to hear the girl say thanks
I'd bet fifteen million dollars that she shags like a Manx
But I'm just a normal guy so I'll never get the chance
To undo her polyester blouse and get into those seventies pants

[Chorus]
Oh, Laura I need medicine, Laura be my Vicodin
Laura you're my Demerol, I wanna wash you down with alcohol
Laura bе my Nembutal, Laura you're my Tuinal
Laura is my bag of reds, oh, Laura is my favoritе redhead

[Verse 2]
I'm not obsessed, but I just got a tattoo of your name across my scrotum
And if you don't like these songs, you can pretend I haven't wrote 'em
We could dress up like Kiss, 'cause I wouldn't mind doin' your make-up
We could talk about Eric and all the things that caused your break-ups
And I even loved you in that stupid GAP commercial
And if for a second, you might allow me to get personal
I kept a used tube of lipstick you once threw away
So now I'm gonna clone you using your lips' DNA

[Chorus]
Oh, Laura I need medicine, Laura be my Vicodin
Laura you're my Demerol, I wanna wash you down with alcohol
Laura be my Nembutal, Laura you're my Tuinal
Laura is my bag of reds, oh, Laura is my favorite redhead

[Bridge: Marc With a C, Marc With a $]
Why don't we see what my alter-ego, Marc with a $ has to say on the matter?
Nah, see, yo, yo
We've got a bigger problem now
There's a giraffe in my hood and I'm gonna tell you all about it
Using lots of unnecessary swearing and violent threats I never plan to carry out (Wooo!)
Here we go
Yo! There's a giraffe in my hood
How much wood could he chuck if he could chuck wood?
Gonna be extinct like a wack bald eagle
Sting did the soundtrack to Brimstone And Treacle
"Marc! What's he gonna do with this?"
Shut the fuck up and mind your own business
Or I'm gonna send your ass right straight to hell
I'm gonna cancel you quicker than the XFL
I'll piss in your eyes and give you yellow tears
Empty a bottle of hot sauce in your ears
Set your dad on fire while I take your niece
I'm gonna coat your cereal with STDs
Put you to the toilet like you got the runs
Make you eat three week old Cinnabons
Put you in gay porn, and bust that cherry
And call it Little Blouse On The Fairy
And a question crossed my mind while I watched your rerun tapes
I just gotta know, does the carpet match the drapes?

[Chorus]
Laura I need medicine, Laura be my Vicodin
Laura you're my Demerol, I wanna wash you down with alcohol
Laura be my Nembutal, Laura you're my Tuinal
Laura is my bag of reds, oh, Laura, let me give you head