Genie, Prison, Sheep

An old jew is taking a walk, he sees a lamp, picks up the lamb rubs it a genie pops out. The genie says I’ll grant you one wish. So the old jew reaches into his pocket takes out a crumpled map says “You see this area? This is called the middle east, there has been nothing but war and bloodshed here, for centuries can you do anything. And the genie goes, even with my power I can’t do anything about that area. Can I grant you another wish? So he says, “Well I’ve been married for forty years and my wife has never given me a blow job. Could you get her to do that for me just once?” And the genies goes, “Can I look at that map again?”

It’s a convict's first day at prison, he’s a young convict, and he’s there crying. And older convict sits down and goes “Look calm down. Prisons, not such a bad place. For instance, do you like movies?” and he goes “Yeah I like movies” and he goes “Everyone Monday we show a movie on the screen. First run movie” and he goes “That’s great” “And you like baseball every Tuesday we arrange a baseball game.” and he goes “That’s terrific” He goes do you like Italian food. He goes “Yeah I love Italian food.” he goes “on the cafeteria on Wednesday, it’s all Italian food, and let me ask you one more thing, are you a homosexual” and he goes “No” and he goes “Ah you’re not going to like Thursday.”

A traveling salesman goes to a farmhouse, the farmer goes I can put you up for one night but you’d have to stay in the barn. So he spends the night there, the next morning. The farmer comes in he goes “You comfortable?” he goes “I had a great time, I talked to all the animals” he goes “You talked to the animals, I spoke to the chicken, they say you collect the eggs every morning five minutes after six.” he goes “that’s exactly right” he goes “The horse says you’re Otis, you’ve owned him for 10 years” he goes “that’s incredible” he goes “I spoke to the cow. The cow says her name is Elsie is you milk every morning at exactly 8:30” and he goes “That’s incredible ``''and then I spoke to the sheep” and the farmer goes “Those sheep are lying!”