Eskimo Pie is Not Pie and Contains Very Little Eskimo

[Spoken]
Support ergonomic noodles for apathy! Structured clam dip produces a hexagonal surprise
Why must you use your horrible sock to nonchalantly levitate butter for the purpose of smuggling Frenchmen across the countertop?
Are you mopping Jesus again?
You can't bludgeon a sandwich with the same sandwich you're trying to bludgeon, no matter how much you resemble the naked happy supersnail of pain and his magic puppet, Irwin The Insolent
Everything smells like either David Hasselhoff or members of his immеdiate entourage
I'll bе gosh-darned if I'magonna swallow hot lubricated sandals to support that otter-gnosher and his famous incontinent show pony, no matter how much you gibber and somersault over your nun
We each know a loaf, and we each know another loaf; and yet here comes Willard
Unpleasantness and liverwurst go hand in hand like burglars and scones twisted listlessly yet diabolically into the shapes of your favorite WWF superstars
Twist the nipples of the antichrist and receive five prunes and a chisel!
This trapezoid is full of rage, and also scrod!
Ethel the transparent waitress has clearly eaten her last nostril and is squirming and exploding all over your stupid boat
Licking swastikas doesn't make you a muppet!
We've all got ideas and snausages and sauerkraut and scoliosis and a crayon that's been up Betty White's nose, but we can't just sway in the potentially-eggless sandbox while parkas copulate noisily and bloated frogmen lazily pick lint from the buttcrack of the sunset
We have but nine mustards and a mildly-neutered buffalo with a throbbing infection that is neither erotic nor Paraguay
In a world devoid of catheters, I tap-dance apathetically on the boobs of your ancestors as corn tinkles conically and Eddie finds a suspiciously hairless magnet
How dare you trade felt for obedience while your in-laws remain flammable?
Though you measure your abstinence in toothbrush after toothbrush of warm barnacles and fat thermometers, mock not the absorbency of geese!
There's no "i" in "cucumber," there's no "q" in "incest," and there's no elevator in Ted Danson
Unfurl your inner kumquat!
Give rice pads and yogurt to the East!
Drizzle melted children from clam to clam, kicking ketchup and violating every available nugget with the balloon of your choice!
Suffocate your indigestible tomahawk
I am never a carrot and nobody molests my anti-brooding helmet
Stop trying to shave God!