Coffee (2003 Grind)

Caffeination activation!

Sitting in my cubicle trying to pass the time
Click the little envelope but no new mail's online
My schedule program tells me all this crap I have to do
A post-it note upon my desk says "Nobody called you"
I write myself a reminder note to throw that note away
I check my voice mail even though I've been sitting here all day
It says "You have no messages, no life, no hope, no friends"
And You've still got seven hours 'til this freakin' workday ends

But I can smell salvation
It's brewing down the hall
The percolator sings to me
And I must heed its call
As liquid touches styrofoam
I feel the steam's sweet kiss
And I know I'm just seconds away
From caffeinated bliss

Coffee, coffee, coffee to stimulate my brain
Coffee, coffee, coffee to make me less insane
I used to be a zombie and I'd fall asleep at work
Now everybody knows me as the hyperactive jerk

Well, now, now that I'm Chock full'o'nuts, my job is just a game!
I open up my phone book and I highlight every name!
I bend my paper clips into the shapes of little men
I search the net for Amish porn, I take apart my pen
I open up my three-hole punch and spill holes on the floor
I fire staples 'cross the room 'til I don't have no more
I laminate my lunch meat, I link my rubber bands
Make a xerox of my hairy ass and fax it to Japan

And when the buzz starts wearing off
And when I'm feeling low
I pour myself another mug
My cup shall overflow
Eleven packs of sugar
And a couple spoons of creamer
And I shall receive the gift of life
From my liquid redeemer

Coffee, coffee, coffee, come on and drink it up
Coffee, coffee, coffee, nirvana in a cup
I used to be a peon, just a worthless wad of gristle
'Til I replaced by brain cells with instant Folger's crystals

My boss calls me in his office, he says "Now listen, you...
I have a little problem with the crappy work you do
I never see you at your desk, so what's been going on?
Half the time you're at the coffee pot, the rest you're in the John!
Your eyes are always bloodshed, your hands, they always shake
Your skin's the tone of dead flesh, at the bottom of a lake
We think this has to do with all the coffee that you chug
So we're switching you to decaf and cleaning out your mug"

These words to me were blasphemy, I found them just appalling
So I kicked that bastard somewhere that I knew would tend him crawling
Now I'm jobless, homeless on the street, you could say I've got hard luck
But I've got a gun, and now I'm gonna go hold up a Starbucks

Coffee, coffee, coffee with sugar and with cream
Coffee, coffee, coffee, the reason for my being
I used to be so tired I'd just pass out on the floor
Now I haven't needed a wink of sleep since 1994

I got coffee, coffee, coffee, it's great to have around
Coffee, coffee, coffee, I even eat the grounds
I used to be a drone, now I'll never be the same!
I drink a hundred cups a day, Juan Valdez knows my name

Give me coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee
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Coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee (I’ll take a [?], I wanna be caffeinated)
Coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee (I’ll take a [?], I wanna be caffeinated)
Coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee (I’ll take a [?], I wanna be caffeinated)
Coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee… (I’ll take a [?], I wanna be caffeinated)