Archie Got An STD

Archie got an STD
From some whore from NYC
Hurts to fuck and hurts to pee
Archie got an STD

Archie got an STD
Watch him walk, it's plain to see
Look out Veronica and Betty
Archie got an STD

Sorry Pop
Better close down the Chock'lit shop
Once this plague starts spreading
It's never gonna stop
Cuz everyone in Riverdale
Has once been Archie's tail
And there's nothing alive
His tainted weenie won't impale

Have you seen
The whole town's been quarantined
To stop the spread of semen from America's Favorite teen
Now Archie's glum
Cuz life's no longеr fun
He used to be a playa now his
Balls arе green and full of zits
He's grown a full-blown set of tits
There's algae floating in his pee
He has to be fed rectally
His penis has a big red mark
That buzzes and glows in the dark
And all his pubic hair is evaporating

Archie got an STD
Something's wrong with his weenie
Look out Midge and Miss Grundy
Archie got an STD

Archie got an STD
Look out Jughead and Reggie
Look out Mr. Weatherbee
Archie got an STD