Doo-Dah

Well, I don't know if you heard my new theme song or not. Did you hear it? (No.) Bruce Springsteen, is what's called "Dancing in the Dark." If, if Bruce Springsteen was here, I would have him, you know, stand up, take a bow. [applause] But he's not, he's not here. But if there's anybody named Bruce, if you know, you wanna stand up and take a bow... any Bruce? Come on, there must be some guys named Bruce. Come on, don't be shy. Bruces stand up, take a bow, let's hear it for them! Alright! There's one, thеre's another one, thеre's another one.

I used to have a theme song, it was called, eh, "Zippity-Doo-Dah". And I loved "Zippity-Doo-Dah", but this company, eh, Walt Disney Company, I named them by name, they says I can't use it no more. They says I am not their image. Goofy is their image. Dumbo is another one of their image. Uh, Donald Duck and his three illegitimate nephews... where's their mother? That's what I wanna know, where's their mother? You know, I think- I think those are his kids, I'm not gonna, y'know, make a big deal about it, but I wanna know the details of that affair.

Anyway, I like eh, "Dancing in the Dark". It's kind of like "Zippity-Doo-Dah", 'cause it's up-song, you know, it's real positive and that kind of stuff. Some people got theme sogs that are real downers. Like for instance Abraham Lincoln, his theme song was called "Battle Hymn of the Republic". No wonder why the man was so depressed all the time, you know, who wouldn't be depressed. You come out, and they go "dum-da-dum, da-dum, da-dum..." You know, but "Zippity-Doo-Dah" — you know, it's real "up", and that.

And I loved it, 'cause it was a real old song. Lotta people don't know that, but it's one of the oldest songs known to mankind. The oldest song known to mankind, it's uh, Gregorian chants. Then comes "Zippity-Doo-Dah", then "Battle Hymn of the Republic", then uh, "Heartbreak Hotel". That's the chronology of modern music, any of you takin' notes, you know, get it straight. And Doo-Dah, "Zippity-Doo-Dah" originally was the national anthem of the country of Doo-Dah. And so many American people don't even know, where Doo-Dah is. Have you heard of it? (Yeah) It's in Europe, Doo-Dah. It's way up in the mountains, it's like 300 yards up there. You gotta take a donkey to get there.

And it's named after Saint Doo-Dah. And this fellow, Saint Doo-Dah, he became a saint 'cause he lived in a tree trunk for 50 years. That's what you gotta do to become saint sometimes, you know, 50 years. And the deal is, what happened, he said to his mother, he was 20 years old, and his mother was, you know, saying like "get a job!" You know, really picking on him, and that. She says to him: "What are you gonna do with your life?" And he said: "I don't know, I don't know." And that's his famous quote. In fact, Downtown Doo-Dah they got this beautiful, the main piazza, there's a beautiful statue. You know, it's like a marble tree trunk, it's got this head sticking up, underneath it says "I don't know, I don't know."

What happened: 20 years old, he says to his mother, he says "mom, I know what I wanna do, I'm gonna go to the woods to meditate, to think what I wanna do with my life, what I wanna become." He went to the woods, he sat in the tree trunk, he stayed there for 50 years. And you think, well, why sainthood? You know, what's the miracle in that? The miracle is, you think the man would starve to death. You know, you can't grow corn sitting in a tree trunk. He just sat- what happened was, animals would feed him. Birds were dropping bread crumbs, and little pieces of veal. Squirrels would bring him artichokes. You know, "Doo-Dah, carciofo, prego, prego", you know.

And he would take every once in a while, you know, would take little pieces, little bites. Because he didn't need, you know, much food, 'cause he didn't exercise, nothing like that. 50 years he sat in that tree trunk. And 50 years to the date, from when he left his house, all the people from the city of Doo-Dah come out there with candles for like this Virgil. I know, I know why you're laughing now, you know, I know. I said city of Doo-Dah, right? Country of Doo-Dah. See, what it is, the country, the country of Doo-Dah has three cities, and the main city also is called Doo-Dah. So like New York, New York. Doo-Dah, Doo-Dah it's the whole name. I don't know what the "Zip" is.

Anyway, he was there 50 years, and the man, he stands straight up, right? Saint Doo-Dah, he hasn't stood in 50 years, puts back his shoulders, and he belts out the song "Zippity-Doo-Dah". And the people were so moved, they become what's known as the Doo-Dah people. And these people, so laid back. They don't walk, they don't run, they skip everywhere they go. In fact, Downtown Doo-Dah they got on the crosswalks, you know, says "Skip — Don't Skip."

I know a lot about it, 'cause I went to summer school there one summer. "Doo-Dah U" is name of the school, was it easy. I got an A, I didn't buy a book. I know this one professor, he asked me some question. I forget what it was, but I know I said to him "Well, I'm very sorry, I have no idea what the answer is." He says to me "I see your point. I buy that." Pretty soon, everybody starts cheating off me.