Ain’t It Strange? (Company) - 2017 Cut Closing Number

[BETELGEUSE]
I was evil
I was cruel
I did things that on reflection were not cool
I was mean
I was sadistic
But I saved your life, so ain’t that inconsistent?

Manipulated
And I lied
Took advantage of a girl who’s mom had died
Wrecked your career, Chuck
Destroyed your home
But with one move, I’m the hero of the show!
Oh ain’t it strange?

[ENSEMBLE]
Yes, it’s strange!
Yes, it’s strange!

[BETELGEUSE]
When an asshole saves the day!

[ENSEMBLE]
When an asshole saves the day!

[BETELGEUSE]
I gave you all a golden shower
And then at the final hour
I did something noble! Boy, have I got range!
Oh, ain’t it wild?
I mean, come on, guys
I got hitched to a child!
I was such a bottom dweller
But with just one act of valor
I made ever guy and fella shout “hooray!”
Ain’t it strange?

[ENSEMBLE]
Ohh, ain’t it strange?

[BETELGEUSE]
Goes to show that folks can really change!

[ENSEMBLE]
Ain’t it? Folks can change!

[BETELGEUSE]
Oh, ain’t it strange
When an asshole saves the day!
Asshole!

[ADAM]
Woah
But you were sleazy

[BETELGEUSE]
Okay

[ADAM]
You were rude

[BETELGEUSE]
Okay

[ADAM]
You bathed in on me one time when I was nude

[BETELGEUSE]
Yes, I did

[ADAM & BARBRA]
You’re a bully

[BETELGEUSE]
Woah

[CHARLES]
You use disgusting words
You reduced this house’s value by two-thirds
But I was selfish

[BETELGEUSE]
Yes

[CHARLES]
I was a slight bore

[BETELGEUSE]
Slight?

[ENSEMBLE]
I guess you gave use something all to fight for

[CHARLES]
It doesn’t fit with the established narrative

[ENSEMBLE]
But you’re the reason we all get to live!
It’s a surprise!

[BETELGEUSE]
Surprise!

[ENSEMBLE]
When you owe your life to someone you despise!

[BETELGEUSE]
Someone you despise!

[ENSEMBLE]
He’s a sociopathic cretin
He’s the worthest guy we’ve met
And yet right at the end
I guess that guy was nice!
How to react
When the [?] got your back

[BETELGEUSE]
I got your back! I got your back!

[ENSEMBLE]
He was totally the worst, and then
You think you know a person
And then curse them, they reverse their evil ways
Ain’t it strange?

[BETELGEUSE]
I mean, come on, guys!
I’m totally insane!

[ENSEMBLE]
Oh, yes, it’s strange!
When an asshole saves the day!
Asshole!

[BETELGEUSE]
This is great! We are sharing, and we are caring
And we are learning
And that’s a good thing!
Now, anybody else wanna get something off their chest?
Okay then! Charles, you’re next!

[CHARLES]
Okay, okay, I need to say
That when my wife passed away
I behaved in a way that wasn’t quaint
And threw myself into real estate
I thought that by ignoring pain
It would simply go away
But I am here to say that I was a asshole

[ENSEMBLE]
You were an asshole

[BETELGEUSE]
Great! Okay!
Anyone else wanna have their say?

[DELIA]
I am not a life coach, clearly
I signed up ‘cuz I was dearly, madly, deeply and completely
In love with Charles Deetz

[ENSEMBLE, SARCASTICALLY]
No

[DELIA]
I’ve never been able to find my [?]
Jesus, what is wrong with me?
I was blind, but now I see that I was an asshole

[ENSEMBLE]
You were an asshole

[ADAM & BRABRA]
We would always hesitate, procrastinate
We used to wait
We were afraid to be pushed away
Do we have to say it?

[ENSEMBLE]
You were assholes

[LYDIA]
I was angry, shut you out
Anyone nice, I closed them down
I pushed everyone away
I was-

[ENSEMBLE]
No, you’re a teenager

[ALL]
Oh, ain’t it strange?
(Ain’t it strange? Ain’t it strange?)
We’re all assholes in some way
(We’re all assholes in some way)
You can wonder ‘round forever, thinking you’re so goddamn clever
If you never see the truth, you’ll never change

(I guess this means)
I guess this means that no matter how hard you suck
You can be redeemed
When a person you revile
Comes to save you with a smile
It’s hard to know just where to file it in your brain

Ain’t it strange?
([?])
Ain’t it strange?
([?])
When an asshole saves the day!

When an A-S-S-H-O-L-E
Turns out to be a better than you thought they’d be
It’s strange
But in the darkest moments, hope survives
‘Cuz an A-grade idiot saved our lives!
No matter what they say

[BETELGEUSE]
An asshole can save the day!

[ALL]
No matter what they tell ya
You can save the day!
Right out the final parlor
An asshole paved the way!
Ain’t it the truth
He’s the living proof
Betelgeuse

[BETELGEUSE]
Yes

[ENSEMBLE]
Betelgeuse

[BETELGEUSE]
Yes!
Oh, come on
Goddamnit, one more time!

[ENSEMBLE]
Betelgeuse!

[BETELGEUSE]
YES!