Three Bedroom House

[MEREDITH]
Out! Out! Out! Time to get out!

[SHELLEY]
Out?

[MEREDITH]
Out! Gotta just rip out this page
Bend the bars of this cage and run free!

[SHELLEY]
Free?

[MEREDITH]
Free! No one but Edgar, you and me!
Gotta go find him and move on-

[BOTH]
And be gone before the dawn!

[MEREDITH]
Gotta get checkbooks

[SHELLEY]
Checkbooks

[MEREDITH]
Car keys

[SHELLEY]
Car keys

[MEREDITH]
Passports

[SHELLEY]
Passports

[MEREDITH]
Then goodbye!

[SHELLEY]
Toothbrush

[MEREDITH]
Toothbrush

[SHELLEY]
Blankets

[MEREDITH]
Blankets

[SHELLEY]
Daddy?

[MEREDITH]
No

[SHELLEY]
Why?

[MEREDITH]
Shelley, listen to me
What do you do when you blow out a tire?

[SHELLEY]
Tire?

[MEREDITH]
Trash it! Some holes you'll never patch

[SHELLEY]
You'll never patch?

[MEREDITH]
And who do you save when your house is on fire?

[SHELLEY]
Fire?

[MEREDITH]
Don't bring the guy who lit the match!

[SHELLEY]
Who lit the match!

[MEREDITH]
So we'll get a post office box
And we're gonna change all the locks
And we're gonna stay with my cousins a while
Then we'll get a three bedroom house
With a white picket fence and a gun and a lawyer
So smile!

Gonna get a homeowner's loan;
[SHELLEY]
Could...

[MEREDITH]
Gonna get an unlisted phone;

[SHELLEY]
Good!

[MEREDITH]
Gonna get away from this town gone insane!

[SHELLEY]
Kinda thought they would...

[MEREDITH]
Then we'll get a three bedroom house

[SHELLEY]
A beautiful three bedroom house

[MEREDITH]
Affordable

[BOTH]
Three bedroom house

[MEREDITH]
With a great big pit bull on a chain!

[SHELLEY]
Okay... Okay, Okay, Okay, Okay
Right! Right! Right! Mother, you're right!

[MEREDITH]
Right?

[SHELLEY]
Right! Still kinda sad that my dad lost what marbles he had
But we're free!

[MEREDITH]
Free!

[SHELLEY]
Free! I'll get a brand new fake I.D!

[MEREDITH]
And if we lack for anything I can hock this stupid ring!

[BOTH]
And we'll get a post office box
And we'll get a front gate that locks!

[SHELLEY]
And we'll get away from those ignorant pigs!

[BOTH]
And we'll get a three bedroom house!

[MEREDITH]
A livable three bedroom house

[SHELLEY]
A lovable

[BOTH]
Three bedroom house

[MEREDITH]
And some plastic surgery and wigs!

[SHELLEY]
For who?

[MEREDITH]
For all of us...

[SHELLEY]
Right...

[BOTH]
And Edgar will soon have

[SHELLEY]
A garden to walk in

[MEREDITH]
His own driver's license

[SHELLEY]
A car- NO! A van!

[BOTH]
And Edgar will soon have

[SHELLEY]
A ballroom to dance in

[MEREDITH]
A good dental plan!

[SHELLEY]
Cause Edgar will soon have a home...

[MEREDITH]
Yes, Edgar will soon have a home...

[BOTH]
A heck of a home!
And we'll get a post office box
And we'll get a front gate that locks

[MEREDITH]
And big electrified fence all around!

[SHELLEY]
Whoa!

[MEREDITH]
And we'll get a three bedroom house-

[SHELLEY]
Or even a two bedroom house-

[MEREDITH]
No, honey a three bedroom house-

[SHELLEY, spoken]
Mom... do you think Edgar would marry me?

[MEREDITH]
No, honey a three bedroom house
A three bedroom house
In a concrete shelter ten feet underground!

[SHELLEY, spoken]
Mom! I want to marry Edgar! I'm in love with him!

[MEREDITH, spoken]
No, Shelley

[SHELLEY, spoken]
What?

[MEREDITH, spoken]
You're not in love with Edgar!

[SHELLEY, spoken]
Yes, I am, Mom. I love him so much. And I want to be with him forever-

[MEREDITH, spoken]
No, Shelley! It's hideous! It's not right!

[SHELLEY, spoken]
You're just like the rest of them!

[MEREDITH, spoken]
You don't understand- Shelley! NO!

[MEREDITH]
What about the three bedroom house?
The three bedroom house!
Who do you save when your house is on fire...
Your house Is On Fire...
Your house Is On Fire!