Christian Charity

[SHERIFF, spoken]
Evening folks!

[SHELLEY, spoken]
Whatcha got?

[SHERIFF, spoken]
Doctor home?

[MEREDITH, spoken]
No, he's not.

[SHERIFF, spoken]
When's he back?

[MEREDITH, spoken]
An hour or so.

[SHELLEY, spoken]
The heck is that?

[SHERIFF, spoken]
Well, I don't know.

[MEREDITH]
What in the world?

[SHELLEY]
Where did you find?

[MEREDITH, spoken]
What is he doing?

[SHELLEY, spoken]
He's out of his mind!

[MEREDITH]
Is he in pain?

[SHELLEY]
Is he insane?

[SHERIFF, spoken]
Maybe and possibly, let me explain.

[MEREDITH & SHELLEY, spoken]
No!

[SHERIFF, spoken]
Aw, heck. Maybe I shouldn't've done that.
But that boy was hoppin' like a scalded dog.

[MEREDITH, spoken]
Boy?

[SHERIFF, spoken]
Maybe. Frankly, that's why I'm here.
I figure maybe we need a veterinarian to sort this out.
I'm hoping Dr. Parker will know what to do.

[SHERIFF]
I didn't know where else to take him...

[SHELLEY, spoken]
Mom!

[MEREDITH, spoken]
Shelley, quiet!

[SHERIFF]
Can't go to jail, he's underage.

[SHELLEY, spoken]
Mom!

[MEREDITH, spoken]
Shelley, quiet!

[SHERIFF]
Folks up at the Med School, bet they'd carve him up or bake him.
I'd send the FBI a page, but I don't think we're at that stage—
So, here he is folks, he's all yours.
Couldn't leave him out of doors, creepin' on all fours.
We could always shoot him, but that don't seem right to me.
'N I can't rid myself o' my Christian Charity.

[SHELLEY, spoken]
Can we see him?

[MEREDITH, spoken]
Shelley, get away!

[SHERIFF, spoken]
Now you listen to your mother, Shelley.
You don't want to be near if it wakes up.
It bit one of the Taylor kids.

[MEREDITH]
Shelley, don't stare, Shelley, don't poke.

[MEREDITH, spoken]
What is this, sheriff, some kind of sick joke?

[SHELLEY]
Mom, he's so gross!

[SHELLEY, spoken]
Mom, can he stay?

[SHERIFF, spoken]
Shel, I was hopin' you'd see it that way.

[SHERIFF]
I'm comin' up for re-election.

[SHELLEY, spoken]
Mom!

[MEREDITH, spoken]
Shelley, quiet!

[SHERIFF]
I gotta bring this thing to heel.

[SHELLEY, spoken]
Mom!

[MEREDITH, spoken]
Shelley, quiet!

[SHERIFF]
A boy with his complexion's gonna meet with some objections,
'N I think I know how folks will feel once they hear this "Bat Child" is for real.

[SHELLEY, spoken]
It's a bat child? Mom! We gotta keep it!

[MEREDITH, spoken]
All right, sheriff. Dr. Parker has some cages. I'll take care of the boy for you.

[SHERIFF]
Ah, that's great, Meredith. I can't thank you enough for the favor.
And if he turns into a pain,
Call me, I've got stun guns and a chain.

[SHELLEY, spoken]
Whoa!

[MEREDITH, spoken]
Oh!

[SHERIFF, MEREDITH, SHELLEY]
So here he is folks, he's all yours. Don't stare, Shelley, please don't poke. Mom! Look at him! I know but Mom...
I couldn't leave him out of doors, creeping on all fours. Don't touch him, Shelley, don't provoke. Look at him! What's wrong with him?
We may have to put him down

[ALL]
For now we'll wait and see!

[SHERIFF & MEREDITH]
We can't rid ourselves of our Christian Charity.

[SHERIFF, MEREDITH, SHELLEY]
So here he is folks, he's all yours. Don't stare, Shelley, please don't poke. Moooom!
I couldn't leave him out of doors, creeping on all fours. Don't touch him, Shelley, don't provoke. MOOOOM!
Those thunderclouds are closing in

[ALL]
We can't just let him be.
We can't rid ourselves of our Christian Charity.
We can't rid ourselves of our Christian... Charity!

[SHELLEY, spoken]
Mom!

[MEREDITH, spoken]
Shelley, quiet!