Thirty Miles From the Banks of the Ohio / Look Who’s Here

[SYLVIA, spoken]
Eliot, where are you calling from? Any landmarks? Give me a clue!

[ELIOT]
Thirty miles from the banks of the Ohio
I am standing on a bare and lonely street
In a town where the economy's depressing
And the people are completely obsolete

Oh, the railroad hasn't run through here for ages
And the factories are automated, too
So the pretty people leave this town at twenty
As does anyone with much of an IQ

Now there's no one thirty miles from the Ohio
But the folks for whom this country doesn't grieve
No, there's no one thirty miles from the Ohio
But the people so plain helpless they can't leave

In the center of this town there sits a mansion
It's my father's legal residence, I hear
But because my dad is in the U.S. Senate
He resides here just one week in every year

We're about to throw those mansion doors wide open
Pry the boards off all the windows, tear 'em down
We're about to be the friends and brand-new neighbors
Of the poor forgotten folks of this old town

'Cause there's no one thirty miles from the Ohio
But the folks for whom this country doesn't grieve
No, there's no one thirty miles from the Ohio
But the people so plain helpless they can't leave

[SYLVIA, spoken]
Oh Eliot, come home. Come home!

[ELIOT, spoken]
Don't you understand, Sylvia? I am home! I know now that this has always been home. I'm in the town of Rosewater, the township of Rosewater, the county of Rosewater, the state of Indiana!

[SYLVIA, spoken]
What are you going to do there?

[ELIOT, spoken]
I'm gonna care about these people. They can't care about themselves. I see that now, because America doesn't need them. Not even for war, not anymore. So, Sylvia, I'm gonna be an artist!

[SYLVIA, spoken]
An artist?

[ELIOT, spoken]
An artist. I'm gonna love these discarded Americans, even though they are useless and unattractive. That, Sylvia - that will be my work of art!

(sung)
Look who's home
Look who's here
Here to loan you a dollar
Or to lend you an ear
If you tell me you're broke
Then I'll say 'Have no fear!'
Look who's here

[DAWN]
Oh, spread the word
Spread the joy

[DAWN & DIANE]
Look who's come back to see us
That senator's boy

[ELIOT]
If you say you need help
I'll say 'I volunteer!'

[ELIOT, DAWN, & DIANE]
Look who's here

[ELIOT]
You see, the folks of this old town
They need somebody to care
They need some love and they need some cash
And guess who's got plenty to spare

[ENSEMBLE]
Look who's home
Look who's here

[DIANA]
Got us a voice now
A friendly cashier

[ENSEMBLE]
So let's break out the wine
Let's pass him a beer
Look who's here

[ELIOT]
Hey, Diane Moon-Glampers! Dawn Leonard! Jerome!
Won't you give me a smile, won't you wipe off that tear

[ENSEMBLE]
Look who's here
Look who's here
Look who's here
[ELIOT]
Mary Moody!
Delbert Peach!
Everybody!
[ALL]
Look who's here