The Rosewater Foundation

[ALL EMPLOYEES]
Welcome to a flowing font of truth and good and cash
If you're looking for the loot to toot a flute or cure a rash
If you're down on luck and need a buck we'll fund you in a flash

[ARTISTIC CONSULTANT]
If you'd like to write a piece on Saint-Denis or Delacroix

[FILE CLERK]
If you must research the Church of Christ or works of Myrna Loy

[EXECUTIVE]
Don't be bashful, we've a stashful

[ARTISTIC CONSULTANT]
Don't be timid

[BLANCHE]
Don't be coy

[ALL]
Baring market crashes, floods, or worse, inflation
Baring fiscal flops or fierce devaluation

[APPLICANTS #1 & #2]
In a world where next to nothing comes for free

[BLANCHE]
Bet you'd never thought you'd ever live to see

[ALL]
So divine a shrine to fine philanthropy
As the Rosewater Foundation, NYC

[EXECUTIVE]
We've just handed Norman Mailer fifteen thou to vent his spleen

[FILE CLERK, MAIL-BOY, & ARTISTIC CONSULTANT]
Fly to us! Fly to us!

[BLANCHE]
Here's a grant to Will Durant and to the Reverend Fulton Sheen

[FILE CLERK, MAIL-BOY, & ARTISTIC CONSULTANT]
Apply to us! Apply to us!

[APPLICANT #1]
Me, I'm writing the biography of Butterfly McQueen

[FILE CLERK, MAIL-BOY, & ARTISTIC CONSULTANT]
Here's four grand for Orson Bean!

[ALL]
Drive to town, come down, fill out an application
We're a boon to the artistic population

[APPLICANT #2]
They're as generous as anyone can be

[APPLICANT #1]
As enlightened and urbane as "Camera Three"

[BLANCHE]
We'll support you and we'll serve you herbal tea

[ALL]
At The Rosewater Foundation, LTD

[APPLICANT #1, spoken]
What time was your appointment with Mr. Rosewater scheduled?

[APPLICANT #2, spoken]
10:30 this morning

[APPLICANT #1, spoken]
Mine was for 11. What time is it now?

[APPLICANT #2, spoken]
4:45

[ARTISTIC CONSULTANT]
Here's a copy of *Horizon* to amuse you while you wait

[BLANCHE]
As per usual, the president is just a little late

[BLANCHE & ARTISTIC CONSULTANT]
But unless you'd like to leave and ask for funding from the state

[ELIOT, spoken]
Hey can somebody give me a hand, please? I've got a lot of books here and...

[ALL]
Hail, Eliot Rosewater
President and chairman
Beacon of obliging noblesse
Philanthropist deluxe
Hail, Eliot Rosewater
Rarest of those rare men

[FILE CLERK]
Sir you're late

[BLANCHE]
Your datebook's a mess

[EXECUTIVE]
Your wife called

[MAIL-BOY]
Here's your tux

[ELIOT]
It's a joy to buoy the Iroquois and liberate the Cree

[ALL]
Willingly! Willingly!

[ELIOT]
Help the Idaho Grand Opera to produce Die Valkyrie

[ALL]
Chillingly! Chillingly!

[ELIOT]
And we built a "Y" in Tenafly and two in Tennessee

[ALL]
Yes he did that! Yes-sir-ee!

What a fella, fine example
What a paragon, a saint
So he is, so he is!
What a pal to those who work in prose or poetry or paint
We know he is, we know is!
He's devoted and he's loaded
So we haven't a complaint
And we state without restraint
He's the object of out abject adulation

[ELIOT]
I'm an outright blight of love and inspiration

[ALL]
He's the Rosewater Foundation, I.N.C.!