The Trouble With Women

[TAXI, spoken]
What's the matter, afraid of dames?

[RODNEY, spoken]
They're nothing but a big headache, if you ask me.

[TAXI, spoken]
They've been a lot of trouble to me, too!

(sung)
I once loved a girl out in Flatbush
She was a picture of beauty and grace
But she thought kittens came from a cat bush
And she never had heard of first base
So I travel no longer to Flatbush
Though the girl is both wealthy and pure
For whenever I tried my desires to confide
Her mind was upon her coiffeur

[TAXI, STANLEY, SAVORY & RODNEY]
Oh, the trouble, the trouble with women
They soften your heart 'til it melts
And then at the critical moment
They are thinking about something else

[SAVORY]
As a student, my life was Parisian
I languished, a captive of sex
And when specks interfered with my vision
They were lovely, voluptuous specks
Then I toiled on a farm raising soybeans
In a struggle to chasten my brain
But the girl beans got in with the boy beans
And I never struggled again

[TAXI, STANLEY, SAVORY & RODNEY]
Oh, the trouble, the trouble with women
You think you have left them behind
You frolic in physical freedom
And then they turn up on your mind

[STANLEY]
The reason each day I grow frailer
Is that I'm trapped in a one-way romance
With a lady who lives in a trailer
With some devil-may-care debutants
Her love for her kin is exquisite
She entertains uncles galore
But whenever I pay her a visit
Them uncles wouldn't open the door

[TAXI, STANLEY, SAVORY & RODNEY]
Oh, the trouble, the trouble with women
I fear that their life is a lie
While they stall you with maidenly murmurs
They are romping with some other guy

[RODNEY]
When I drove my glamorous Chevy
I would park in a suitable spot
Then I'd turn to the girls like a heavy
And inquire if they would or would not
I always implied that they had to
But, oh jimminies, was I perplexed
On the night that one said she'd be glad to
And I didn't know what to do next

[TAXI, STANLEY, SAVORY & RODNEY]
Oh, the trouble, the trouble with women
They're either too cold or too warm
Yes, they're either in flight or insatiable
Oh, God give me strength to ignore'm

[TAXI, STANLEY & SAVORY]
God give me strength