How Much I Love You

[RODNEY, spoken]
Yes, Mr. Knows-it-all Savory! We have an expert on feminine beauty. And what are you gonna do about that?

(sung)
More than a catbird hates a cat
Or a criminal hates a clue
Or the Axis hates the United States
That's how much I love you
As a sailor’s sweetheart hates the sea
Or a juggler hates a shove
As a wife detests unexpected guests
That's how much you I love

I love you more than a wasp can sting
And more than a hangnail hurts
I love you more than commercials are a bore
And morе than a grapefruit squirts
I swear to you by the stars abovе
And below, if such there be
As a bride would resent a blessed event
That's how you are loved by me

More than a waiter hates to wait
Or a lioness hates the zoo
Or a batter dislikes those called third strikes
That’s how much I love you
As much as a lifeguard hates to swim
Or a writer hates to read
Or the Hays Office frowns on low-cut gowns
That's how much you I need

I love you more than a hive can itch
And more than a chilblain chills
I yearn for you in an ivy-clad igloo
As a liver yearns for pills
I swear to you by the earth below
And above, if such there be
As a dachshund abhors revolving doors
That's how you are loved by me
That's how you are loved by me