The Money Song

[NICKY]
Help the homeless!
Help the homeless!
Ooh! Hey Princeton!

Give me a quarter!
Here in my hat!
Come on, Princeton!
It's as easy as that!
Helping others brings you
Closer to God
So give me a quarter

[PRINCETON]
I don't have any change

[NICKY]
Hmmm... okay
Give me a dollar

[PRINCETON]
That's not what I meant

[NICKY]
Give me a five

[PRINCETON]
Are you kidding?

[NICKY]
The more you give
The more you get
That's being alive!
All I'm asking you
Is to do what
Jesus Christ would do
He'd give me a quarter
Why don't you?

[PRINCETON]
All right, all right, here you go

[NICKY]
Ahh, thanks!

[PRINCETON]
Take care
Whoa!

[NICKY]
What's the matter?

[PRINCETON]
I feel generous!
I feel compassionate!

[NICKY]
You do?

[PRINCETON]
Yeah! I feel like a new person—a good person!
Helping other people out makes you feel fantastic!

[NICKY]
That's what I've been trying to tell you—

[PRINCETON]
All this time I've been running around thinking
About me, me, me—and where has it gotten me!
I'm gonna do something for someone else!

[NICKY]
Me?

[PRINCETON]
No—Kate! I'm going to raise the money to build that
Stupid Monster School she's always talking about!
Give me your money!

[NICKY]
What?

[PRINCETON]
I need it for Kate!

[NICKY]
I need it to eat!

[PRINCETON]
Come on, Nicky!

[NICKY]
Aww, get lost!

[PRINCETON]
It'll make you feel great!

[NICKY]
So would a burger!

[PRINCETON]
When her dream comes true
It'll all be partly
Thanks to you
So give me your money!

[NICKY]
I'd like to, but I can't

[PRINCETON]
Give me your money!

[NICKY]
I'd like to, but I need it!

[PRINCETON]
Give me your money!

[NICKY]
I'd like to, but I'm homeless!
I can't! I need it! I'm homeless!
I can't! I need it! I'm homeless!
I can't! I need it! I'm homeless!
Okay, here you go

[PRINCETON]
Thank you!

[NICKY]
Suddenly
I am feeling
Closer to God
It's time to stop begging
It's time to start giving!
What can I give to Rod?
Something he'll like so much he'll take me back
Ooh, I know! I'll find him a boyfriend!

[PRINCETON]
That's the spirit!

[BOTH]
When you help others
You can't help helping yourself!
When you help others
You can't help helping yourself!

[GARY]
Hey boys, what's the hat for?

[NICKY]
Ooh, we're collecting money!

[PRINCETON]
It's for Kate! We're raising money to help build her dream school!
Give us your money!

[NICKY]
You'll be glad that you did!

[GARY]
That's just what my parents told me
When I was a kid
Shit

[NICKY]
But giving feels so great

[GARY]
And I bet it wouldn't hurt
Your chances with Kate

[PRINCETON]
Well, that too

[GARY]
I'll give you a dollar

[PRINCETON]
You're a gentleman
And a scholar

[CHRISTMAS EVE]
We so happy! We just exchange all your wedding gifts for cash!

[BRIAN]
Honey, don't tell them that!

[CHRISTMAS EVE]
We get about 2,000 bucks!

[Brian]
Uh, yeah, so—thanks, everybody!

[CHRISTMAS EVE]
We rich!

[PRINCETON]
Give us your money!

[NICKY]
Give us your money!

[GARY]
Give us your goddamn money!

[PRINCETON]
Give us the dough!

[NICKY & GARY]
Give us the dough!

[PRINCETON, NICKY & GARY]
We're raising money
For a Monster School
But we've got a ways to go

[PRINCETON]
Sounds like you've
Got money to burn

[NICKY]
And it's not like money
That you had to earn

[PRINCETON, NICKY & GARY]
So give us your money—

[CHRISTMAS EVE]
A monster school?

[BRIAN]
Sounds like a good cause

[CHRISTMAS EVE]
Give me your wallet

[PRINCETON]
Oh my gosh! I don't know how to thank you guys
I mean, Kate will be so grateful!
That kind of money is such a great start

[GARY]
Yeah, $15

[PRINCETON]
$15?

[CHRISTMAS EVE]
Every little bit help

[NICKY]
Looks like we're gonna have to ask more people!

[ALL]
Hey!
Give us your money!
All that you've got!
Just fork it on over

[GARY]
Or some puppets
Will get shot!

[PRINCETON]
Hey!

[ALL]
It's time to pass the hat

[GARY]
And there's nothing you can do 'bout that

[ALL]
So give us your money!
Give us your money!
Give us your money!
When you help others
You can't help helping yourself!
When you help others
You can't help helping yourself!
Every time you
Do good deeds
You're also serving
Your own needs
When you help others
You can't help helping yourself!
When you give
To a worthy cause
You'll feel as jolly
As Santa Claus
When you help others
You can't
Help
Helping yourself!