The Devil’s Dictionary (Chap. 22)

VALOR, n. A soldierly compound of vanity, duty and the gambler's hope.
"Why have you halted?" roared the commander of a division and Chickamauga, who had ordered a charge; "move forward, sir, at once."

"General," said the commander of the delinquent brigade, "I am persuaded that any further display of valor by my troops will bring them into collision with the enemy."

VANITY, n. The tribute of a fool to the worth of the nearest ass.

&nbspThey say that hens do cackle loudest when
&nbspThere's nothing vital in the eggs they've laid;
&nbspAnd there are hens, professing to have made
&nbspA study of mankind, who say that men
&nbspWhose business 'tis to drive the tongue or pen
&nbspMake the most clamorous fanfaronade
&nbspO'er their most worthless work; and I'm afraid
&nbspThey're not entirely different from the hen.
&nbspLo! the drum-major in his coat of gold,
&nbspHis blazing breeches and high-towering cap—
&nbspImperiously pompous, grandly bold,
&nbspGrim, resolute, an awe-inspiring chap!
&nbspWho'd think this gorgeous creature's only virtue
&nbspIs that in battle he will never hurt you?

Hannibal Hunsiker

VIRTUES, n.pl. Certain abstentions.

VITUPERATION, n. Saite, as understood by dunces and all such as suffer from an impediment in their wit.

VOTE, n. The instrument and symbol of a freeman's power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his country.