The Devil’s Dictionary (Chap. 10)

J is a consonant in English, but some nations use it as a vowel— than which nothing could be more absurd. Its original form, which has been but slightly modified, was that of the tail of a subdued dog, and it was not a letter but a character, standing for a Latin verb, jacere, "to throw," because when a stone is thrown at a dog the dog's tail assumes that shape. This is the origin of the letter, as expounded by the renowned Dr. Jocolpus Bumer, of the University of Belgrade, who established his conclusions on the subject in a work of three quarto volumes and committed suicide on being reminded that the j in the Roman alphabet had originally no curl.

JEALOUS, adj. Unduly concerned about the preservation of that which can be lost only if not worth keeping.

JESTER, n. An officer formerly attached to a king's household, whose business it was to amuse the court by ludicrous actions and utterances, the absurdity being attested by his motley costume. The king himself being attired with dignity, it took the world some centuries to discover that his own conduct and decrees were sufficiently ridiculous for the amusement not only of his court but of all mankind. The jester was commonly called a fool, but the poets and romancers have ever delighted to represent him as a singularly wise and witty person. In the circus of to-day the melancholy ghost of the court fool effects the dejection of humbler audiences with the same jests wherewith in life he gloomed the marble hall, panged the patrician sense of humor and tapped the tank of royal tears.

&nbspThe widow-queen of Portugal
&nbspHad an audacious jester
&nbspWho entered the confessional
&nbspDisguised, and there confessed her.

&nbsp"Father," she said, "thine ear bend down—
&nbspMy sins are more than scarlet:
&nbspI love my fool—blaspheming clown,
&nbspAnd common, base-born varlet."

&nbsp"Daughter," the mimic priest replied,
&nbsp"That sin, indeed, is awful:
&nbspThe church's pardon is denied
&nbspTo love that is unlawful.
&nbsp"But since thy stubborn heart will be
&nbspFor him forever pleading,
&nbspThou'dst better make him, by decree,
&nbspA man of birth and breeding."

&nbspShe made the fool a duke, in hope
&nbspWith Heaven's taboo to palter;
&nbspThen told a priest, who told the Pope,
&nbspWho damned her from the altar!

Barel Dort

JEWS-HARP, n. An unmusical instrument, played by holding it fast with the teeth and trying to brush it away with the finger.

JOSS-STICKS, n. Small sticks burned by the Chinese in their pagan tomfoolery, in imitation of certain sacred rites of our holy religion.

JUSTICE, n. A commodity which is a more or less adulterated condition the State sells to the citizen as a reward for his allegiance, taxes and personal service.