The Devil Is an Ass Act 4 Scene 6

Shackles, Pug, Iniquity, Devil.
Pug is brought to Newgate.

Here you are lodg'd, Sir, you must send your garnish,
If you'll be private.

Pug.
There it is, Sir, leave me.
To Newgate, brought? How is the name of Devil
Discredited in me! What a lost Fiend
Shall I be, on return? My Chief will roar
In triumph, now, that I have been on Earth
A day, and done no noted thing, but brought
That body back here, was hang'd out this morning.
Well! would it once were midnight, that I knew
My utmost. I think Time be drunk, and sleeps;
He is so still, and moves not! I do glory
Now i' my torment. Neither can I expect it,

[Enter Iniquity the Vice.

I have it with my fact.

Ini.
Child of Hell, be thou merry:
Put a look on, as round, Boy, and red as a Cherry.
Cast care at thy Posterns, and firk i' thy Fetters:
They are Ornaments, Baby, have graced thy betters:
Look upon me, and hearken. Our Chief doth salute thee,
And lest our cold Iron should chance to confute thee,
H' hath sent thee, Grant-parol by me to stay longer
A Month here on Earth, against cold, Child, or honger.

Pug.
How? longer here a Month?

Ing.
Yes, Boy, till the Session,
That so thou maist have a triumphal egression.

Pug.
In a Cart, to be hang'd.

Ing.
No, Child, in a Car,
The Chariot of Triumph, which most of them are.
And in the mean time, to be greazy, and bouzy,
And nasty, and filthy, and ragged and louzy,
With dam'n me, renounce me; and all the fine Phrases,
That bring unto Tyburn, the plentiful gazes.

Pug.
He is a Devil! and may be our Chief!
The great Superior Devil! for his malice:
Arch-devil! I acknowledge him. He knew
What I would suffer, when he ti'd me up thus
In a Rogues body: and he has (I thank him)
His tyrannous pleasure on me, to confine me
To the unlucky Carkass of a Cut-purse,
Wherein I could do nothing.

[The great Devil enters, and upbraids him
with all his days work.

Div.
Impudent Fiend,
Stop thy lewd Mouth. Dost thou not shame and tremble
To lay thine own dull damn'd defects upon
An innocent case, there? Why, thou heavy slave!
The Spirit that did possess that Flesh before
Put more true life in a Finger and a Thumb,
Than thou in the whole Mass. Yet thou rebell'st
And murmur'st? What one proffer hast thou made,
Wicked enough, this day, that might be call'd
Worthy thine own, much less the name that sent thee?
First, thou did'st help thy self into a beating

Promptly, and with't endangered'st too thy Tongue:
A Devil, and could not keep a body intire
One day! That, for our credit: And to vindicate it,
Hinder'dst (for ought thou know'st) a deed of darkness:
Which was an act of that egregious folly,
As no one, to'ard the Devil, could ha' thought on.
This for your acting! but for suffering! why
Thou hast been cheated on, with a false Beard,
And a turn'd Cloke. Faith, would your predecessor
The Cut-purse, think you ha' been so? Out upon thee,
The hurt th' hast done, to let Men know their strength,
And that the'are are able to out-do a Devil
Put in a body, will for ever be
A scar upon our Name! whom hast thou dealt with,
Woman or Man, this day, but have out-gone thee
Some way, and most have prov'd the better Fiends?
Yet, you would be imploy'd? Yes, Hell shall make you
Provincial o' the Cheaters! or Bawd-ledger,
For this side o' the Town! No doubt you'll render
A rare account of things. Bane o' your Itch,
And scratching for Imployment. I'll ha' Brimstone
To allay it sure, and Fire to singe your Nails off,
But that I would not such a damn'd dishonor
Stick on our state, as that the Devil were hang'd;
And could not save a body, that he took
From Tyburn, but it must come thither again:
You should e'en ride. But up, away with him —

[Iniquity takes him on his back.

Ini.
Mount darling of darkness, my Shoulders are broad:
He that carries the Fiend, is sure of his load.
The Devil was wont to carry away the Evil;
But now the Evil out-carries the Devil.