The Devil Is an Ass Act 1 Scene 3

Pug, Fitz-dottrel.

SIR, your good pardon, that I thus presume
Upon your Privacy. I am born a Gentleman,
A younger brother, but in some disgrace,
Now with my Friends: and want some little means
To keep me upright, while things be reconcil'd.
Please you to let my Service be of use to you, Sir.

Fit.
Service? 'fore Hell, my heart was at my mouth,
Till I had view'd his Shooes well: for those Roses
VVere big enough to hide a cloven foot.

[ He looks and surveys his Feet over and over.

No, Friend, my number's full. I have one Servant
VVho is my all indeed; and from the Broom
Unto the Brush: for just so far I trust him.
He is my VVardrobe-man, my Cater, Cook,
Butler and Steward; looks unto my Horse;
And helps to watch my VVife. H'has all the places,
That I can think on, from the Garret downward,
E'en to the Manger, and the Curry-comb.

Pug.
Sir, I shall put your VVorship to no charge,
More than my Meat, and that but very little;
I'll serve you for your Love.

Fit.
Ha! without VVages?
I'll hearken o' that Ear, were I at leisure.
But now I'm busie. 'Prythe, Friend, forbear me,
And' thou hast been a Devil, I should say
Somewhat more to thee. Thou dost hinder now
My Meditations.

Pug.
Sir, I am a Devil.

Fit.
How!

Pug.
A true Devil, Sir.

Fit.
Nay, now you lie:
Under your favour, Friend, for I'll not quarrel.
I look'd o' your feet afore, you cannot cozen me,
Your Shooe's not cloven, Sir, you are whole hoof'd.

[ He views his Feet again.

Pug.
Sir, that's a popular Error, deceives many:
But I am that I tell you.

Fit.
What's your Name?

Pug.
My Name is Devil, Sir.

Fit.
Say'st thou true.

Pug.
Indeed, Sir.

Fit.
'Slid! there's some Omen i' this! what Countryman?

Pug.
Of Derby-shire, Sir, about the Peak.

Fit.
That Hole
Belong'd to your Ancestors?

Pug.
Yes, Devil's Arse, Sir.

Fit.
I'll entertain him for the Name sake. Ha?
And turn away my t'other Man? and save
Four Pound a year by that? there's luck and thrift too!
The very Devil may come hereafter as well.
Friend, I receive you: but (withal) I acquaint you
Aforehand, if yo' offend me, I must beat you.
It is a kind of Exercise I use;
And cannot be without.

Pug.
Yes, if I do not
Offend, you can sure.

Fit.
Faith, Devil, very hardly:
I'll call you by your Surname, 'cause I love it.