Textmergency

[HARRY]
Time is running out
You’ve got to act now
Stay one step ahead
Of that moronic text somehow

[CONNIE]
There’s no turning back
Here in the danger zone
You’ve got to manually delete that text
From that dude’s cell phone!

[REBECCA, spoken]
Thank you, officers!

[POLICE OFFICER, spoken]
Good luck, Rebecca!

[HARRY]
It's a—

[HARRY & CONNIE]
Textmergency

[HARRY]
Baby, can’t you see?

[HARRY & CONNIE]
Textmergency

[HARRY]
That term just occurred to me
It’s gonna catch on instantly!

[CONNIE]
Wait, what about
Textastrophe?
That sounds better to me!
Textastrophe!
That could really spread virally!

[HARRY]
I prefer textmergency

[REBECCA'S CLIENT]
I accidentally texted my mother-in-law
A picture of my erection

[CONNIE'S CLIENT]
I once group texted my whole staff
About my yeast infection!

[HARRY]
Exactly! It’s so relatable
That’s why I coined the phrase:

[CONNIE]
Textastrophe!
That’s the meme, don’t you agree?

[HARRY]
All due respect
Textmergency
Is the better term, Miss C

[CONNIE]
Hmmm, I wanna go with
Textastrophe
I already put it on Urban Dictionary

[GHOST OF STEVE JOBS, spoken]
You fools! It doesn’t matter what it’s called. That’s right, it’s me, the ghost of Steve Jobs! What matters is that I control your lives from the grave! Technology is slowly alienating everyone from their loved ones—ha ha ha ha ha!
And when you send a few words to the wrong recipient and it immediately destroys your life, that’s called a—

(sung)
Messagepocalypse!

[ALL ROCKERS]
Get out of here, Steve Jobs!

[CONNIE'S CLIENT, spoken]
Guys, what about that lawyer chick? We’ve gotten really off track…

[HARRY]
She’s searching for the spare key
Looked under the mat!

[CONNIE]
It’s clearly hidden in that owl!

[REBECCA'S CLIENT]
Look in that flower pot, hurry!

[CONNIE'S CLIENT]
Hurry up and check that Buddha sconce

[ALL ROCKERS]
Check the Buddha sconce
Check the Buddha sconce!

[HARRY]
She did it!
Now she can delete the text
She won’t need to come up with a
Textcuse!

[CONNIE]
Texplanation!

[HARRY, spoken]
Textmergency just flows!

[CONNIE, spoken]
No, dude, textastrophe, it’s what it is...

[REBECCA'S CLIENT, spoken]
Dude, she’s totally right.

[CONNIE'S CLIENT, spoken]
Textscuse me!