Group Hang

[REBECCA, spoken]
The night was going perfectly, mi amor. We were having a romantic Mexican meal. Or Cali-Mex... Cali-Mex-Italian...
I don’t really know what this food is! But our time together was cut short by the enemy of romance...

[HECTOR, BEANS, KEN & WHITE JOSH]
La la, la la la!

[REBECCA]
It was a group hang, group hang
You're so far away in a group hang!
A group hang, group hang
Do we really need all these nachos?

It was an intimate date
Just you and me
At a magical place
Where refills are free
Then your buddies showed up
And tore us apart
They’re forces of evil
A knife through my heart

[HECTOR, BEANS, KEN & WHITE JOSH]
Salsa, burritos, taquitos, guacamole pizza!

[REBECCA]
A group hang, group hang
You’re just out of reach in a group hang
A group hang, group hang
I'm so afraid of horses!

Now you’re telling a story
'Bout some dude named Jeffwad
And the time he "sprooshed"
Whatever that means
Feeling left out, so I jump in and say:

(spoken)
I had a friend named Jeff once. He took bad mushrooms and jumped off the room of our dorm.

(sung)
It was a group hang, group hang
It just got weird in this group hang
Group hang, group hang
It makes me so sexy sad

[HECTOR, BEANS, KEN & WHITE JOSH]
Spanish, Spanish, Spanish, Spanish, Español, arriba!
Spanish, Spanish, Spanish, Spanish, Español, arriba!
Spanish, Spanish, Spanish, Spanish, Español, arriba!
Guadalaraja, Sicily!

[Rebecca, spoken]
That’s not in Mexico!

[HECTOR, BEANS, KEN & WHITE JOSH]
Corned beef enchilada, pickle taco
Salsa verde cheesecake, bacon tamale
Root beer margarita, taco stew

[Rebecca, spoken]
Does the chef know what Mexico is?

[Rebecca]
A group hang, group hang
What’s this smoky tortilla soup thing?

[Rebecca, spoken]
I mean, really, am I crazy? There are—I know there are people of Hispanic descent working at this restaurant.

(sung)
A group hang, group hang

(spoken)
How are they not offended, with the bastardization of their culture? Is it just me? Maybe it’s just me.

(sung)
You’re so far away at a group hang

(spoken)
I feel like I’m being gaslighted by this restaurant.

(sung)
A group hang, group hang

(spoken)
Y ahora la parte más temida de andar con el grupo. ¡El cheque!