My Doctor’s A Quack (2013)

{*a parody of Sir Mix-A-Lot's song "Baby Got Back"*}

I feel sick and I just might die
And I honestly don't know why
But when my doc walked in with a huge seringe
And a big grin on his face I passed out
Which doctor is mine? Then I learned the witch doctor is mine
What in God's name am I wearin'?
My butt's stickin' out of the rear end
Oh my God, I wanna go back home
And go to the bathroom
My homeboys came to visit
The doc saw my cut and then he kissed it
A termometer he pulled out
But he doesn't wanna put it in my mouth
I said back up! Back up!
'Cause you ain't gonna shove it in my butt
I feel much better now
To Hell with my medicine
My bed, lead!
He's poking me all over my head
The food is made of slime
And it really should be a crime
Take the average dinner and eat this stuff
It comes right back up
So cooks (yeah) cooks (yeah)
Does it taste better coming back up (hell yeah)
My doctor said eat it (eat it) eat it (eat it)
It'll make you feel alright
Doc is a quack!
My doctor's a quack!

The nurse was big and round
She took up the whole town
I just couldn't help it when I saw her
My puke went flyin', without even tryin'
She knocked me down on the floor
Then "Clear (zap) clear (zap)"
I ain't takin' those pills
That's birth control, or couldn't you tell
The doctor came to test my reflex
But there's no reflex in
The middle of my chin
He hit me and my mouth caved in
I'm lookin' at all the other docs
Reputations solid as a rock
Why can't my Doc be smart
I'm stuck with Groucho Marx
Somebody get me some help please call a paramedic
My doc's pathetic
'Cause he wants to drill a hole in my head
I'm gonna scream till the break of dawn
What's my life worth?
He thinks I'm gonna give birth
This guy wants to search my body cavity
I'd rather be impaled on a fence
I'm restrained, I'm in pain
And my underwear's got a big stain
"Does this hurt?" yeah "Does this hurt?" yeah
As he keeps on pokin' my gizzard
He said open up, say ahhhh
Then he shoved the little stick in my eye
Doc is a quack!
My doctor's a quack!

They wheel me around in a gernie
I feel like I'm in Weekend At Bernie's
But Bernie never had to go through all of this torture
Which cost a fortune
All I want is to get out alive
He grabbed me and told me to cough
But he enjoyed it a little too much
Some people think I should try to sue him
'Cause my future's lookin' real grim
He cut me and enjoyed it
I didn't move fast enough to avoid it
He wants to cut open my brain
He thinks it'll stop the pain
But I know that's wrong and I just can't fight it
It's Appendicitis
A garden hose he shoved in me
This ain't no I.V
He said he gave me a sedative
But I think he gave me a laxative
This knucklehead's really a chump
And now I gotta take a dump
I'm not sick somebody tell him
If I live through this I'm gonna kill him
This guy's really gettin' on my nerves
His treatment is for the birds
So shove his medicine back in his face
And get me out of this place
Doc is a quack!
My doctor's a quack!